


Torn to Pireces

by NerdHQ_084



Category: Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Genre: F/M, I'm a dark person sometimes, Two years and it's finally done, feedback please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 18:19:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11926533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdHQ_084/pseuds/NerdHQ_084
Summary: Nihla Ren is the most feared Sith in the First Order, but as the battle between good and evil escalates, she begins to wonder who she really is. Can Nihla find out the truth before it's too late?





	1. The New Order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of these chapters have illustrations. If anyone wants them, let me know what chapter you're on and I can share them with you.

I stood before the Supreme Leader in deathly silence. On my left, my training partner. On my right, a young general of the Order. Snoke looked down on us thoughtfully.  
“Starkiller Base is nearing completion, Supreme Leader.” The General dryly gave his report. My partner and I said nothing, did nothing, barely even breathed. Then it was my partner’s turn.  
“We have located the final piece of the map. It is in the hands of an old Rebel on Jakku.” Not even a twitch.  
“Good, good. Our master plan is nearly complete, then. Proceed with your activities.” The Supreme Leader then turned his gaze upon me and simply stared, or so it seemed on the outside.  
I could feel the slippery darkness probing my mental shields, hunting for a chink in my armor. I followed its every move in case it succeeded. I was now well accustomed to these unexpected tests and had grown much stronger since the last time. Pain is a powerful motivator for improvement. Being reduced to a writhing mass on the edge of a bridge is not my idea of a good time.  
The shadow had found a weak point and was now pushing for entry. I pushed back, matching strength, shove for shove. Breathe in. Focus. Barbs of darkness tried to puncture my shields. Breathe out. I will not fail.  
I could feel my companions looking at me now, watching, waiting to see me break like so many times before. For an unknown span of time we fought, exchanging blows, recouping, defending, but neither of us ever getting the upper hand. Then, it stopped. The lights returned to me and I once again saw Snoke sitting enthroned before me.  
“Unbreakable,” he said as he vanished. I… succeeded. I was finally strong enough. Now, nothing could access my mind. Ever.  
The three of us departed in silence. The General left us to attend to his duties while my partner and I walked back to our quarters. Outside my room, he paused.  
“I will admit, you have surprised me, Nihla Ren. No one has survived the Supreme Leader.”  
“I won’t pretend it was easy, Kylo, but thank you for such a rare compliment.” He nodded and left me. This new power must be mastered. I sense something in the Force; looming destruction, the future. I need to be ready.


	2. Jakku

The Finalizer sped through the stars towards a scrapyard planet called Jakku. I was looking for Kylo everywhere. He can be extraordinarily evasive sometimes, particularly when he was needed. I strode into the command room and found him hotly debating something with General Hux. Those two couldn’t stand each other.  
“Kylo. Stop arguing with the non-sensitives and come train with me. I’ve maxed out all the programs.”  
“Nihla…” he somewhat growled. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”  
“No, I just saw you having a petty dispute. I don’t see how you can’t spare an hour or two to blow off steam. We won’t be reaching Jakku for another day at least.” He was seething with anger.  
“Fine,” he spat. “We aren’t finished here, General.” He stormed out towards a training room. Hux glanced at me and nodded, his way of a thank you. No one, no matter how stupid or stoic, wants to be on the receiving end of Kylo’s rage. I just volunteered. Although I was only a few seconds behind him, I found Kylo pacing with furious impatience in the training room.  
“You! You don’t have any sense, do you? Every time I’m at my wits end or am raging about something you show up and make it worse. It’s as if you have a death wish! Why are you so different, huh? Why aren’t you afraid of me?” He stepped really close to me and whispered this through gritted teeth.  
“Easy. I like fighting you when you’re angry. I’m guaranteed to win. Therefore, even if you blow up on me I’ll be fine. No one else can say that.”  
He stomped a ways away and ignited his saber, quickly turning and leaping at me. Slightly surprised, I rolled out of the way while activating my own two sabers.  
“Nice try, but that’s and old trick.” He came back at me, this time with an uppercut-slash combo. He was far sloppier when he was angry, so I blocked him with ease and returned a complicated counter-attack he struggled with.  
“Ugh… who taught you that?!” He sprung back and I kept on him.  
“No one. I’ve never done that before. I’d say it worked quite well.”  
We fought on for quite some time, Kylo making a mess of the room with missed strikes and rage hits. He landed a few scuffs on me, but after an hour or so he was bleeding heavily and was severely out of breath. In a last ditch effort, he lunged at me full force. Narrowly evading, I caught him in the abdomen with my knee, making him stagger back, groaning. I quickly swept his feet, knocking him to the ground and casting his saber aside. Dropping a knee on his chest, I pinned him in place and crossed my sabers over his neck as if to behead him.  
Leaning close, I said, “I win, pretty boy.” Grabbing my legs he groaned and leaned up as much as possible without getting cut.  
“Did you now? Tell me, how is it that a blind girl two-thirds my size has managed to defeat me, the greatest Knight in the First Order?”  
“Well, this blind girl has a different way of seeing things and, unfortunately for you, you are very predictable, Kylo. Especially when you are angry. And you are the best recognized Sith. Anyone who is anyone knows I am stronger with the Force and, clearly, the more skilled fighter. Your only advantage is in your size, when you are calm, but even then I win as often as I lose. You aren’t that perfect, Ren.” Just then, Hux walked in and raised his eyebrows at us. Our fights tended to get rather…intimate, at times.  
“Well, well. Interrupting something, am I?” He smirked.  
“Hardly,” I said, retracting my sabers while casually kicking Ren’s grip off. He groaned and dragged himself up. “What did you need?” I didn’t mind the General. He had a decent sense of humor and we tended to agree on things. In some ways, I would say we were friends.  
“You know, it is always nice to be reminded that Ren is human, once in a while. We have received information that a resistance pilot by the name of Poe Dameron is currently on Jakku to retrieve the map. We have engaged the hyper drive and will arrive within the hour.”  
“Good. How did our ship escape our sensors? Did your ranks fail yet again?” Ren snapped at him, brushing off his cloak. Hux narrowed his eyes, mouth twitching slightly.  
“Actually, Ren, we did not have sensors on Jakku because you claimed they were unnecessary. There was no way we could have detected him.” Ren growled.  
“Grrr….I’ll be right there.” Hux nodded and left, clearly irritated. I smirked at the whole thing, but was suddenly thrown against the wall and found myself pinned by the throat by Kylo.  
“Well, Miss All-Powerful Sith, if you are so invincible, get out of this one.”  
“I am fairly certain you don’t want me invading your mind, Kylo. Drop it and I’ll get you cleaned up so you don’t get embarrassed by Hux’s men.” I mildly struggled for breath and started to probe his mental defenses. I felt a flicker of uncertainty followed by a tightening of his grip.  
“This is not a surrender. We just don’t have any more time.” He released me and stepped back. Clearing my throat, I held out my hand. He gave me his injured arm and I cleaned it up with the med kit, using the Force to accelerate the healing process and repairing it flawlessly. I did the same for his shoulder before moving to his back, which had a long gash from his shoulder blades to his lower right ribs.  
“Ouch, I didn’t know I hit you that badly…” He tensed and winced when I touched it. Kylo never let anyone touch him, except when he needed healing, and even then I was really the only human he ever made contact with. I expect he had contact issues form his past.  
I carefully cleaned the raw wound and stopped the bleeding. Slowly running my hands along it, I closed and sealed the wound. I felt him shudder slightly.  
“Is the fabric noticeably ruined? Or will my cloak cover it for now?” he asked softly, obviously in a different state.  
“Mm… it shouldn’t be noticeable. No one would say anything anyway.” I came back around to face him. “Shall we?” I gestured to the door. He nodded and we calmly made our way to Command. I swear he is like a moody teenager sometimes, but I suppose we are also friends in some way. He certainly doesn’t see me the way he sees everyone else. By the time we reached Command, he was back to his usual stony demeanor, probably brooding over something internally. I wish I could remember how we met. I knew him in the past, before he brought me here. Stupid mind blocks…  
“Well, someone took their time getting here,” Hux sneered as we entered. I ignored him and Kylo clenched his fist. We could see the desert planet before us. Taking up posts at a window, we calmly watched our approach on the night-shrouded planet.  
“It’s kind of pretty, Jakku. Maybe someday I’ll come explore it. Someday…” I whispered to no one in particular.  
“But it’s hot and dry, colorless. What could possibly be interesting about a place like that?” Ren replied quietly.  
“The very fact that life exists in such a place is what’s interesting. Living things have amazing adaptability.”  
“Always so positive, aren’t you?” I sensed a faint smirk beneath that black helmet.  
“Always,” I smirked. “Who else would cheer you up against your will and drag you out of your mental pit?” He just shook his head and was quiet.  
The TIE fighters were sent in shortly after and the troop carriers put our men on the ground. Shots were fired as people ran and were corralled.  
“Let’s go.” Kylo strode towards the exit as his ship came in for a landing. I followed him out onto the battlefield, upon which everything stopped. He may be a walking time bomb, but he always knew how and when to make an entrance. I broke off and rounded up the loose stragglers our troops had missed. One troop in particular caught my eye: he had a smear of blood from his comrade’s hand on his helmet. I sensed his discomfort and when we made eye contact he shifted and looked away. Traitor in the making. Ah well, we can’t keep them all.  
“Out, all of you. Into the square, you can stay together. Or I could kill you here if you want mercy. Who knows how long you will suffer out there.” The group I addressed just lowered their heads, tears dropping onto the sand, choosing what little mercy I could give them. “Make a line and put your heads down. Close your eyes, take a deep breath.” They did as I said, quietly shaking from fear. “Sleep,” I said softly before beheading them in one, painless sweep. It was the best I could give them, this quick end.  
Just then, Kylo snapped and slayed the old man, Lor-san Tekka. Dameron must have recovered it then. Speaking of the devil, the foolish pilot had shot at Ren and was now being drug towards him. The blast remained suspended in the air.  
“Sooo… do you talk first or do I talk first? You talk first?” The man thought he was funny.  
“Where is the map?” Kylo was in no mood for the pilot’s games and had him searched.  
“What map? I don’t have any map.” Kylo just stood there in cold calculation. I peered into the pilot’s mind, unbeknownst to him, and retrieved the map’s location. Perfect.  
“Nihla.” I strode over to Ren and the captive.  
“Woo hoo, didn’t know the dark side could be so attractive,” Dameron flirted. I punched him in his smart mouth on the way by.  
Leave me here, I mentally told Kylo.  
Why?  
If he gave the map to anyone there is no way off this planet for miles. I’ll look for escapees while you deal with Sir Arrogance.  
Fine.  
They boarded Ren’s ship and headed for the Finalizer, leaving me behind in the new ghost town. I suppose I should start with Dameron’s X-wing. Perhaps it tracks the droid with the map.


	3. The Hunt

The X-wing was useless, so I decided to venture out in search of the droid. I put together a less noticeable outfit from what I could find in the village and gathered enough food and water for a week in the desert. I found a map of the surrounding area as well and decided to head towards Nima Outpost, one of the major locations a few days from my location. The droid would most likely head for civilization in hopes of escaping the planet.  
I found track marks by the plane and followed them, assuming they were from the BB unit. Trekking on through the night, I managed to cover roughly a third of the distance, but the desert was beginning to change and the tracks were disappearing. As dawn rose, I found a rock outcrop to take shelter in and rest for a while, knowing how deadly the desert’s heat could be for a weary traveller.  
Something wet and living woke me up around midday and I found myself face to face with one of the luggabeasts of Jakku. Startled, it backed away somewhat, but continued looking at me with curiosity. I noticed it was rideable, so I approached it slowly, attempting to gain its trust. The creature watched me suspiciously, but after successfully stroking it, it relaxed. Using some scavenged rope from the village, I fashioned a halter and convinced the creature, whom I decided to call Ryntar, to let me put it on.  
Mounting up, we set off for the outpost once again. Ryntar was surprisingly fast, much faster than I would have been on foot. I reached the outpost near midnight and camped just outside of it, sharing my supplies with my new companion.  
The next morning, we rode in and I scouted the area looking for the droid. Not having any luck, I convinced one of the locals to let us occupy some of their tent while I kept my eyes peeled. Near midday, a girl came in with none other than the escaped BB-8 trailing behind her. Force-sensitive. Something stirred deep in my mind. I knew the girl from somewhere, but I don’t know why or how. My interest now piqued, I got up to say hello, and interrogate.  
“Excuse me…hello?” The girl turned and eyed me suspiciously.  
“What do you want?” she snapped. Alright.  
“I couldn’t help but notice your droid. Might I ask…” she cut me off.  
“He’s not for sale, foreigner.”  
That’s not what I was going to ask.” I glared at her for her presumptuousness. Taken aback, her face softened in confusion.  
“Who… are you, exactly?” Snap. I need a name.  
“Um, I’m… Rinla. And, you are?”  
“I’m Rey, a scavenger. So what is your interest in this droid?”  
“I have been looking for a good BB unit to analyze. I’m restoring one on D’Qar and need a good reference.” A few small lies wouldn’t kill anyone.  
“Interesting. Well, this one’s lost his master and is looking for him. They found some trouble in a town east of here.”  
“Really? I just came from there! I escaped to a safe distance before the First Order landed. They destroyed everything. Was your master the Resistance pilot? Kylo Ren took him hostage in order to find you.” BB-8 beeped sadly, acknowledging that yes, the pilot was his master. Just then, he caught sight of a struggling newcomer and said the man was wearing his master’s jacket. Rey and I followed him, her being armed with a staff.  
They pinned him to the ground and I recognized him as the trooper with the bloodied helmet… what number was he? No matter, I was thankful to be in different garb now.  
“This droid says that coat belongs to his master. How did you come by it?” Rey was vicious, I’d give her that.  
“Your master… ouch! Hey! Poe Dameron, he’s your master? You’re the… ow!...droid he was looking for? We crash landed trying to come back for you. He didn’t make it…” BB-8 looked crestfallen.  
“What’s your name?” I asked.  
“Finn. I’m Finn.”  
“Rinla. This is Rey.”  
“Are you with the Resistance?” Rey inquired with sheer awe and curiosity. She looked quite star struck.  
“The Resistance? Uh, yeah… yeah! I’m with the Resistance. I’m totally with the Resistance.” Wow, someone is a terrible liar, but Rey bought it so whatever.  
“I’ve never met a Resistance fighter! This is…” she was cut off by the whine of TIE fighters.  
“It’s them… the First Order. They are after the droid…” I said, stepping forward and grabbing her shoulder. “We need to move.”  
“Come on!” Finn took her hand and started running. I summoned Ryntar and mounted up, riding after them. I caught up to them in the middle of an argument about hand-holding. They had stopped inside a shelter.  
“Bad idea, guys…” I looked around warily and sure enough some blasts came through the tent. We ran off heading for a ship that was blown up before we reached it. One shot hit Ryntar’s leg, forcing me to stop and heal him discreetly. I turned to glare at the shooter and mentally chewed him out.  
You fools! Hold your fire, I’m Nihla Ren! Fall back now before you dig your own graves.”  
They slowed and stopped in fearful shock.  
“Rinla, come on!” Finn yelled, beckoning me towards and old ship they found. Conflicted, I yelled back at him.  
“Just go! I’ll be fine!” I waved him off, knowing I could get home with the Order.  
“Rey won’t leave without you! Just come on!” I hesitated before running aboard with Ryntar.  
“Are you two insane? Get up here and help me fly this thing. Finn, get the turret down there!” Rey called out directions.  
“Ay, ay captain.” I joined her in the cockpit and took up the copilot’s position. This ship was familiar, as though I had done this many times before. A faint memory of a man’s voice and a child’s laughter flitted through my mind, spooking me a bit.  
“Hey! Anyone in there? How do I start this thing? Piece of junk…”  
“Here.” I automatically went through the takeoff procedure while Rey watched in amazement.  
“You came from Tuanul, you said?”  
“Uh, yeah. But that’s not my home. Why?” We were off the ground now, speeding over the desert.  
“No reason. I’ve just never seen another ship like this, yet you knew exactly how to operate it.”  
“Yeah… I guess I did, huh?” I tuned back to my controls in mild confusion. Suddenly, several objects appeared on our radar. “TIE fighters! Finn, you’re on down there!”  
“Got it! How do you work this thi-woah! Got it now!” Rey suddenly went super-pilot on me and started flying magnificent acrobatics.  
“Rey, you’re gonna lose the left stabilizer! It doesn’t like rough action.”  
“What? How do you know that?” She dialed it back to neutral, smoothing out our flight a bit.  
“I… don’t know, I just do. Now fly!” We flew around a graveyard of Imperial Starships, taking out several of our pursuers.  
“Uh, guys? We have a problem. My turret is jammed in forward!” Rey looked at me and then at a ship.”  
“Hang on!” She barreled inside the wreck. Uh oh…  
Navigating flawlessly, we shot out of a narrow side opening, but the fighter was still on us. All of a sudden, she killed the engines and we nosed over into free fall.  
“Rey…” I gripped my seat, bracing for impact.  
“Now, Finn!” She hit the engines and pulled up sharply, snapping his turret to see the fighter. He shot it down and we flew out into space unharmed.  
“We did it!”  
“I know, did you see that shot?!”  
“”You were amazing!”  
“So were you!” Rey and Finn cheered excitedly, making me smirk happily.  
“Aww, look at you two. It’s like you were meant to be.”  
“W-what?!” they exclaimed in unison. Rey blushed a little and Finn looked away awkwardly, scratching his head. I laughed at them good naturedly. Really laughed. I can’t remember ever laughing since I became a knight. It felt…nice.  
“You guys are great, you know that? Really, really great. I’m glad I came.”  
“You’re not bad yourself, Rinla.” Rey smiled at me and put a hand on my shoulder. Unfortunately, our happy moment was cut short by the warning system.  
“Gas filtration system!” Rey and I said, rushing to the hole where the problem was. The pressure gauge was about to blow so we needed to manually engage the failsafe before we could fix it, otherwise we would flood the ship with toxic gas. I brought Rey the tools she needed while Finn tried to get BB-8 to reveal the location of the Resistance base. I overheard him whispering when I went to grab something.  
“I’m not really with the Resistance, but don’t tell Rey, okay?” BB-8 looked taken aback.  
“Oooh, keeping secrets are we? That’s no good in relationships, Finny.”  
“Rinla! Were you spying on me?”  
“Nah, you were just kinda loud when I walked by. It’s alright, we all have secrets. I won’t tell, though it is pretty obvious.”  
“Phew, good. ‘Cuz I think that’s why she likes me.”  
“Nooo! She likes you, Finn. Not ‘Finn the Resistance Fighter’. Just be yourself, man. I promise it will be great.” I put a hand on his shoulder, reassuring him.  
“Hey! Do you guys want to live or what?” Rey shouted at us and I hurried back with the tool.  
“Done.” A loud metallic clash was heard. “Ohhh no…” We had been caught by a retractor beam and were being pulled inside a giant carrier.  
“Hey Rey… you know how you just fixed the gas thing? You don’t suppose you could… unfix it, could you?” Finn was thinking. Awesome.  
“You guys hide and unfix the leak. I’ll stall anyone who comes aboard.” They nodded and hid in the hole with BB-8. The ship’s door opened and I heard someone coming. Hiding around a corner, I pressed myself against the wall, ready to tackle whoever came by. An older man’s voice could be heard along with a… Wookie? Interesting…  
“Chewy, we’re home,” the man said as he moved closer to my position. Once he was close enough, I rolled out, ready to fight, but stopped immediately.  
“Han Solo?! So this is the Millennium Falcon!” He was fairly surprised to find someone on his ship. A wrench dropped and he glanced at me before opening the grate where Finn and Rey were hiding.  
“Get outta there,” he grumbled, shaking his head. Of course, Ryntar happened to spook just then and came charging around the corner at me.  
“He…Woah! Woah there, boy, easy. Geez you big lug, what’s gotten into you?”  
“Alright who are you three… er, four, and what are you doing with my ship?”  
“I’m Rinla. This is Rey and Finn and that goof over there is Ryntar. We just escaped from the First Order on Jakku.”  
“Jakku?” He turned to the Wookie. “I told you we should have searched the western regions better. Who had it?”  
“Unkar Plutt, he…” Rey explained how the ship ended up there. My attention was caught by the Wookie, or Chewy, I guess, because he kept staring at me with an odd intensity. Both pirates were familiar to me, just as the ship had been, and I couldn’t help but wonder what connection, if any, they had with my past.  
We proceeded off the ship and onto the carrier, briefing Solo on the droid and his importance. He agreed to take us to someone who could help.  
“Don’t touch anything. I’m hauling Rathtars for a customer. Wouldn’t want those getting out.” They headed deeper into the carrier while I found a spot to tie and feed Ryntar. I was growing quite fond of him, despite his quirks. I heard a loud clang and saw another group of space pirates board the ship.  
“Well pfassk. Now I have to save everyone’s arses…” I waited for the invaders to clear the tunnels before going after Han.  
“Solo!” I yelled, approaching him from behind. “We’ve been…” I skidded to a halt, seeing invaders at one end of the corridor. “…boarded.” The leader of the group came forward, surprising me. “Bala-Tik?! You’re the head of the Death Gang now?”  
“Who’r you? We’re just here for Han Solo. We want our money back.”  
“You know this guy?” Han whispered to me. “Look, I’ll get your money soon, okay? I don’t have it right now. You think hunting Rathtars is cheap?”  
“Uh…yeah, I know him….long story.” I whispered back.  
“Kanjiklub want’s their money too. You’ve waited too long, Solo.”  
“But I never made any deals with Kanjiklub!”  
“Tell that to Kanjiklub.” The door on our left opened to reveal Kanjiklub. I face palmed.  
“You had to say that, didn’t you, Solo?” he rolled his eyes at me.  
“C’mon guys, have I ever let you down?” They nodded and Kanjiklub’s leader said twice.  
“What was the second time?” They glared, raising their weapons at us.  
“That droid,” Bala-Tik began, “looks a lot like the one wanted by the First Order… along with two fugitives.” Han’s face fell.  
“….First I’ve heard of it,” he shrugged, not sounding very convincing. A large metallic clang interrupted the interrogation… along with the roars of Rathtars.  
“Uhh-oh…” I looked around slowly. Suddenly, several of Kanjiklub vanished.  
“Run!” Solo shouted. Rey and Finn climbed out of the floor panels and we all took off.  
“Split up!” I hooked a left to escape one of the creatures on our tail, but ran smack into another one. The second closed in behind me. Desperate, I threw up my hands and took control of their inferior minds, commanding them to stop. They froze, transfixed by my grip on them.  
Catching my breath, I slipped past one and continued down the corridors trying to reach the bay. The two creatures followed obediently. By the time I found the exit, everyone was aboard the Falcon and about to depart. I looked around and saw the third Rathtar going for the ship. I flagged it down and distracted it.  
“Han, we can’t leave Rinla!” Finn yelled inside the ship.  
“Too late kid. We’ll all be dead if we don’t go now.” I waved them off and continued running. Once they were out of sight I froze all the creatures and tracked down Ryntar.  
“Phew, alone at last.” I went to grab by com radio but felt a gun pressed to my head.  
“Not. Quite.”  
“Bala-Tik. I suggest you lower your weapon before I feed you to the Rathtars.”  
“Ha! And who are you to make such threats?” I smirked and drew my white sabers while force-shoving him back.  
“N-N-Nihla Ren?! Forgive me Dark Lady. I did not realize….”  
“Silence. I don’t care about your excuses. Leave here now.” He nodded and left with what remained of his gang. I changed back into my Sith robes and radioed the Finalizer.  
“Starkiller One this is Death Star Two. Care to pick me up? This carrier is full of junk. Also, would you be interested in three Rathtars?” A clearly irritated voice replied.  
“….Send coordinates and we will be on our way. No Rathtars.”  
I sent my location and they arrived shortly, Hux and Ren making the usual grand entrance. Good to be back.


	4. Back In Black

We flew to the Finalizer in silence, though I could tell Ren was fuming and Hux had business to attend to. It’s quite funny when Kylo is mad because his aura gets just as red and jaggedly unstable as his lightsaber. Looks like a walking electrical storm.  
“Come with me,” Hux commanded as we landed. I followed silently, except for the fact that Ryntar tried to follow.  
“Hux, where can I put him?” I said, gesturing to Ryntar.  
“I don’t see why you brought that thing. Have one of the troops put it in a holding cell.” I nodded.  
“You there! Take this luggabeast to a holding cell and give him water. You hurt him you die.” I handed him the reins and he walked away uncertainly, making me smirk. Hux was waiting impatiently.  
“Wow, a certain evil space ginger is in quite a mood today.” He rounded on me, pointing a finger in my face.  
“Your little stunt on Jakku caused one hell of an uproar, Nihla Ren. You could have compromised everything! And, on top of that, you were unable to secure the fugitives or the droid! What possible explanation could you have for your actions?”  
“Woah, woah, woah there, Firehead. I’ll explain everything, but do you really want the whole ship knowing the details?” He looked around with a vicious glare and stormed off to his office. I followed quickly. Slamming the door, he sat at his desk.  
“Explain yourself.”  
“I told Ren to leave me on Jakku so I could track the droid, which I did. However, when you…. Geez, it’s hard to talk with this thing on.” I pulled my helmet off and threw it aside. “Ah, much better. Anyway, so when your forces attacked…”  
“Hold on… you’re… blonde? And your eyes aren’t… disfigured or anything? I, uh, wasn’t expecting that…” I chuckled.  
“Just because I’m blind on the inside doesn’t mean I’m a mess on the outside. Just what were you expecting?”  
“I don’t know, black hair like Ren? And scarred, gouged, or sealed eyes? Literally blinded, I suppose. I just didn’t expect you to be… attractive.” He glanced a way, clearly flustered. “Anyway, back to your report.” He cleared his throat.  
“When you attacked I tried to stay put, but your troops shot my mount. Finn and Rey wouldn’t leave without me, even though the troops knew who I was. I had to go with them in order to avoid suspicion. They trust me. And now I know where they are. I can also meet them later and spy on them. I’d say your logistical issues here were more than worth it.” Hux grimaced at this assertion.  
“How can you know that without knowing what has transpired here over the past four days? Snoke was ready to kill me!” He stood up with an uncharacteristic violence and a hint of fear. He came around and stood unusually close to me. “You are his greatest weapon and most powerful disciple. If anything happens to you, I’m held responsible. Not Ren, not anyone. Me. Do you have any idea what a burden that is, having your life constantly dangling above your head by a thread? Especially for someone who is so… so reckless, and defiant.” His eyes softened with a flurry of pain, worry, sadness, fear, and… passion? “Why are you so special? Why… who are you to him?” He was whispering now, his face only inches from mine as he lowered his gaze. That question struck a cord and I could feel the conflict flash in my eyes as I glanced sideways.  
“I… wish I knew…but, I don’t… I know nothing except what I’ve been trained to be… nothing more than a Sith, a killer. Nothing more than Nihla Ren,” I whispered, growing gradually more inaudible. Hux’s eyes snapped to mine in shock and before I could react his lips were on mine, kissing me with a desperate fire before he seemed to come to his senses and pulled away, quickly distancing himself. I stood there in shock for a moment.  
“Is… that all you needed from me, General?” I said, regaining my composure.  
“Y-yes,” he said with a pained grimace. “You are excused.” I gave a curt nod and left, putting my helmet back on. On my way to my room, I was grabbed from behind and slammed against the wall. Reacting, I force-shoved my assailant away from me, but they retaliated, slamming me down and pinning me on the ground. Only then did I realize it was Kylo.  
“Maker, Kylo, what the hell was that for?! You’re making a scene.” He picked me up by the collar and dragged me to his quarters. Shoving me inside, he slammed the door behind us. I tore off my helmet and rubbed my head. “ Geez, Ren, why must you always be so violent? I can’t feel half my head now…”  
“You’re blonde?!”  
“Why is everyone so surprised by that, honestly?”  
“Uh, well….”  
“Pfassk, I’m bleeding. Thanks a lot, partner. What was all that about, seriously? First Hux, now you. You’d think the Starkiller blew up while I was gone.”  
“Why didn’t you recover the droid? Now I must face my father because of you!”  
“And that’s a problem why?”  
“Because! He’s… he’s the reason… he’s my… ugh, it just is, okay?!”  
“Oohhhh… someone has daddy issues. I guess that’s one good thing about not remembering the past. I can’t have familial issues.”  
“I don’t have daddy issues! And why can’t you remember again?”  
“The mind block….”  
“Right.” We were silent and he was a time bomb of stress and rage waiting to blow.  
“Your aura is sizzling, like a wildfire being rained on.”  
“What?”  
“Oh right, never mind. You wouldn’t understand.”  
“Understand what?” he asked suspiciously, stepping closer.  
“It’s nothing really. Just another one of my oddities.” He grabbed me by the shoulders.  
“Tell. Me.”  
“Really?”  
“What?”  
“Take off that stupid helmet, I think you used up all your air. You’re starting to act crazy.”  
“I’m not crazy, I just want to understand you!” he yelled, the realized what he said, leaving us both in stunned silence.  
“You want… why?” I broke the silence. He sighed and removed his mask, tossing it on his bed.  
“You function so flawlessly despite being blind. In fact, you function better than all of us with vision. How? I thought Snoke did that to inhibit you or prevent you from doing something.”  
“He did. He wanted to block me from the light, both literally via blindness and metaphorically via the mind block. I think he believed that if I was unable to see the light of day and the beauty of the universe I would be less conflicted and more impartial. Based on this, I am fairly certain I came from a place where my inner light was extraordinarily strong. The same goes for you, but you were too conflicted to begin with for blindness to be effective. There is already light within you.”  
“That’s a lie. I destroyed every last shred of the light.”  
“Lie to yourself all you want, but I can see it. Right. Here.” I put a hand over his heart, surprising him. “I’m willing to bet that Snoke sees it too, in his own way. That’s why the droid is so concerning to you. You fear that your father will strengthen that which is tearing you apart!” He was silent, angry, pained, and on the verge of tears. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close and pushing him past the breaking point.  
“How? How can you know all that about me, just by looking at me? How can you see…me?” A blue drop fell and hit my arm. A tear.   
“You really want to know? You could see like me too, if you try…”  
“Please…tell me…” Another blue drop. I hugged him tighter and kept his head close to me. I cared about him greatly, in a way I couldn’t identify. For a while he just stood there, in shock over the whole experience, before carefully wrapping his arms around me and allowing himself to sob quietly.  
“I see you because I see the Force. Every object has a signature, and aura, and those auras change with time, interaction, emotion. I can see who has been where and when millennia after they were actually there. I can tell you what ships passed through a certain sector on any given day. It’s as if I have permanent thermal radar, only much brighter and more complex. The signatures can shine brighter than a thousand suns in well-traveled regions and darker than the darkest antimatter in those that are untouched. As a bonus, my mind is also capable of translating the signatures into normal images, providing me with memories akin to your own. Now, Kylo Ren, you know my secret. Blindness was the greatest gift ever given to me and I always use it to my advantage.” We stood there silently for a while until Kylo calmed down and was feeling better.  
“Why do I feel so close to you? Even though we are little more than training partners, I let you do things no one else would ever get away with doing and then you go and do things I would never expect, like… trying to comfort me. Actually…caring about me. You always heal my wounds and protect the façade I put up and cover all the holes in my story. Why…why do you do all this?”  
“Honestly, I’m not entirely sure. I do care though, Kylo, and I don’t know why but I keep feeling like we were close… in the past. Before all this, you know?” I gestured around us.  
“Nice to know I’m not the only one who thinks that.”  
“You feel it too, then?”  
“Yeah.” He was still holding something back, but that was alright. He let a lot go.  
“It’ll be okay, you know? I’ll always be here for you. Just, please quit jumping me in the corridors, okay?” He actually chuckled a bit at that and agreed.  
“You better get some rest. I expect Hux will make a move on Takodana soon.” We parted ways and I returned to my quarters. However, I found a very flustered general pacing inside. Okay….  
“Uh, is everything alright, General?” He snapped his attention to me, briefly resuming his usual nature.  
“Nihla…” he whispered, blushing and averting his gaze. “About what happened earlier…”  
“When?” I interrupted calmly.  
“In my office…..after your…report…” He was adorably agitated over this.  
“Aww, you’re pretty cute when you’re flustered, Armie. Anyone ever told you that?”  
“W-w-what?...N-no! I’m… I-I’m not….cute……ever!” He blushed even more violently.  
“Don’t tell me, you’re finally going to confess your undying love to Phasma and need a girl’s opinion?”  
“Huh?! What are you talking about? I-I don’t like Phasma, I like….er…..someone else….” He trailed off.  
“Ohhhh, I see. So you do like the girl in coms.”  
“Who? Seriously, where are you getting this stuff? I don’t…” I smirked, barely stifling my laughter. I went over to him and pecked his cheek, stunning him silent.  
“I get it, you evil space ginger. I’m no dumb blonde,” I whispered ever so softly. “So why don’t you shut up, calm down, and do something already?” I pulled away enough to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a sweet kiss. Confused at first, it didn’t take long before he smirked and pulled me closer, deepening our kiss.  
“Am I really that obvious?” He pulled away and pressed his forehead to mine.  
“Umhm… you’re pink.” I pecked his nose.  
“What?”  
“Oh, nothing. Just something that makes you horridly obvious to me. But no one else, really.” I smiled sweetly as I closed my eyes with a contented sigh. Honestly, Hux could be a really nice guy when he wasn’t working. I tried to stifle a yawn as a wave of exhaustion hit me, but he still noticed and swept me up bridal-style, carrying me to bed. He laid us down gently and I soon fell asleep in his warm embrace.


	5. Interesting Developments

When I woke up, Hux had already left, probably for some meeting, and I realized the day was almost half over. After a quick breakfast…er, lunch…I set off for the training rooms to practice. A few days of playing basic human can dull things a bit. Finding an empty room, I changed into a simple black tank top and put my white-blonde hair in a ponytail.  
I decided to focus on Force training, setting the remote shooters to tactical sniper with high amperage stun bolts. The bolts were capable of making most people black out after one hit. The rare few who didn’t often couldn’t function well enough to avoid a second hit and certainly black out. I could take two hits on a good day.  
I worked various deflection and shielding techniques for roughly an hour then switched to stamina training with impact sensor bolts that recognized when the bolt hit a target. I caught these bolts, holding them in place for anywhere between ten and forty minutes. After several hours of this, I stopped for a break.  
Knowing my exhaustion was high, I decided to push myself more than usual, setting the three turrets on the highest setting with the blackout bolts. As soon as I was ready, I was hit with a fray of bolts, alternating between deflecting, shielding, and suspending. About halfway through, a bolt caught my right arm, rendering it and much of my side virtually useless for a while. I narrowly avoided a second hit, which was critical in my training. I had expected to get hit but my challenge while being so exhausted was not getting hit twice. To this day, I am the only person I know who can avoid a second hit, let alone not black out after one. Nearing the end of the round, I sensed someone coming in and the turrets changed their aim.  
“Watch out!” I jumped in front of the intruder and deflected the blasts back at the turrets, however a fourth bolt was shot before the turrets were blown and it caught me square in the left side.  
“Ghhhh! Argh…. Damn it, what were you thinking!?” I rounded on the newcomer. Surprise, it was Kylo standing there frozen in shock.  
“M-Maker Nihla! Are you alright?” I groaned and clutched my side as he snapped back to reality.  
“Obviously not, you idiot! Hux is going to murder me…” I limped over to the system to shut it down. Before I could get there, however, Kylo swept me up and carried me to a bench where he sat down, holding me on his lap.  
“K-Kylo! What do you think you’re doing?!”  
“Quiet. It’s my turn to fix you up.”  
“But do you have to…hold me…like….this?” I couldn’t help blushing as I tried to get away, though his grip only tightened and held me in place.  
“Does this bother you? I was under the impression you liked being close to me, with the way we fight and all.”  
“That’s different! I would fight anyone that way. Get me Hux and I’ll prove it. Phasma, the trash trooper, anyone!”  
“Oh really? I’m not…” He was cut off by the door opening.  
“Hm, well, that is a shame. Pretty low, even for you, blondie.” Hux glared at me coldly before spinning on his heel and walking out in a silent rage. My face paled, realizing what this must have looked like to him.  
“Ugh, Ren! Now look what you’ve done!” I hit him with a swift uppercut and force shoved him away, running after Hux with an occasional grunt or wince.  
“Hux! Will you hold up, please?” I yelled down the corridor at him but he didn’t even twitch, pretending not to hear me.  
“Damn it, Armitage!” I caught up and grabbed his shoulder. He turned around violently, catching me off guard.  
“How dare you call me that,” he growled in a low whisper.  
“Oh will you grow up and listen? That wasn’t my idea back there. He was just trying to heal me!”  
“In that position?” he spat.  
“Yeah, I know. I was working on it. We were in the middle of arguing about it when you walked in and caused an even bigger fuss. Maybe he wouldn’t have done that if he knew about… us… but then again he may have done it anyway just to piss you off.” There was a strong acidic tone in my voice as I glared up at the General. I could not believe how must of a jealous child he was being. He was 31 for crying out loud. His resolve flickered and he roughly dragged me into an empty supply closet, making me wince sharply.  
“What happened to you?”  
“Took two hits from blackout bolts. One to my arm and one square in my side. Had our beloved Lord Ren not come in I wouldn’t have been hit by the second bolt nor would I have had to destroy the turrets. He started a bit at that and a flash of dark desire passed through his mind before he sighed bitterly, stepping close and whispering to me.  
“Seeing you like this really turns me on, you know? Angry, injured, a mess. It’s all so damn sexy…” he pushed me against the wall roughly, making me hiss with the impact. He smiled darkly and pinned my wrists against the wall too before burying his face in my neck, kissing me with desperation. I was frozen as a burning fire started growing within me. He moved to my mouth and stole my breath, further kindling the burn inside me.  
“You’re….so…..irritating….” I whispered between his attentions. He pulled back just enough to look at me with eyes full of both a tender love and a fiery passion.  
“Am I? Well, you’re recklessly stupid,” he said, picking me up and wrapping my legs around him. He was so much stronger than he looked and it never failed to surprise me. “Why were you training so hard when you were obviously exhausted? I wasn’t planning on sleeping last night, you know.” He flashed another dark smile and I blushed deeply, grateful for the dim room.  
“Two reasons. One, I needed the practice after playing non-force-sensitive and two I figured if I could survive the most extreme training at that exhaustion level then I would be in peak condition. You know as well as anyone that I’m the only person who can withstand a blackout bolt hit, let alone two.”  
“You’re insane….but perhaps that’s why I’m in love with you.” He proceeded to resume making out with me and go even further, reminding me of one of the reasons my evil space ginger had captured my attention to begin with.  
Several hours later, we were cuddling on the floor, warm and content beyond belief. Hux sighed happily, stroking my hair as he kissed the side of my head.  
“Well, my Empress, I suppose we should try and get out of here unnoticed.”  
“Mmm, yes, I suppose so. Snoke would kill you for this. For ‘corrupting’ me with emotion.”  
“I thought the dark side encouraged attachment.”  
“Only so it can be used against you. Snoke doesn’t think blackmail is necessary, thankfully.”  
“Then we must make sure he doesn’t find out.”  
“Easy for me, not for you. Your mind is simple to read.” He chuckled and sighed.  
“True. Alright, let’s clean up and act natural. I actually had things to do today.”  
“Of course you did. And what am I supposed to do with the rest of the day?”  
“See a medic and explain to Ren the situation so he doesn’t make the same mistake.”  
“Dangerous.”  
“Necessary. Actually, what exactly are you two anyway?”  
“First, we are a team. Second, I am his training partner and the person he trusts more than anyone else, therefore I get away with kicking his ass and healing him. Third, we are friends. He’s is like a lost puppy I need to care for. Nothing romantic, I promise.”  
“Good, because you’re mine.” He helped me up and I pecked his lips. He smiled and left first. I made it to my room unseen and collapsed against my door with a sigh.  
“Maker, you’re a mess. Have a good time with your pathetic space Nazi?” A glowering Kylo skulked out of the shadows and I jumped up abruptly.  
“Kylo? Why are you here? And what is it with you guys lurking in my room all the time?”  
“I’m here to interrogate you, obviously. Are you and the General a thing now?” He growled out his question. I could tell he would break into a rage fit if I wasn’t careful.  
“Yes, wasn’t that obvious? And don’t you dare rage fit in my room. I’ll beat you senseless if you do.”  
“You really aren’t in any state to threaten me…”  
“Really? Try me.” I stepped up to him and stared him down with malice, despite the fact that he was several inches taller than me. Being 5’7” was useful, but not for confrontation. None the less, his resolve wavered and he backed down a bit.  
“What could you possibly see in him? He’s a pompous, stuck-up, narcissistic sadist!”  
“And I’m a reckless, impulsive, egotistical murderer. We have a lot in common. Besides, he’s not that way to me. He’s in love with me and therefore treats me like a queen. Granted, he gets extraordinarily jealous, but my life is none of your concern, so what’s it to you?”  
“Nothing! I just….hate seeing him happy, I guess.”  
“Liar. Or actually, while that may be true that isn’t why you’re so angry. No one can lie to me, remember?”  
“Does he know? About you?”  
“He knows nothing about me. In fact, this is primarily an advantageous relationship, for me that is. I’m positive the Resistance can’t win with the two of us, Snoke, Hux, and the Starkiller against them. Once the Republic is destroyed, we will essentially rule the galaxy and Snoke is liable to make Hux emperor. I will then be his Empress and can control the galaxy through him. But no, he doesn’t know anything and he probably never will. You’re my friend and confidant, Kylo Ren. Don’t ever think otherwise.” Kylo was taken aback. “You didn’t think I would be so stupid as to fall for him, did you? True, I am attracted to him because let’s face it, he is outrageously handsome, but never would I give myself over to someone who is that much of a liability. I don’t let myself get too attached anymore.  
“But he’s crazy, crazier than me, even!”  
“And that’s why he is successful. Couple that with being dark, sexy, and powerful and you have the perfect power play.”  
“What am I, then?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“If he’s some attractive, evil, maniacal genius, then what is it about me makes me your friend?”  
“Oh, uh…well…” I pondered this for a moment, choosing my words carefully. “Well, to begin with, we are a team so that means I should trust you so we can work the best together. However, you and I also have a very similar set of life experiences, following my mind block anyway. So, we can relate to each other and understand little nuances between us. Also, and don’t be mad at me for saying this, but underneath your sith lord self you’re really like a lost puppy and I feel the need to look out for you. Clean your wounds, protect your image, comfort you when you’re feeling particularly lost, etcetera. You put on such a mean show during the day but at night you’re just like a troubled and lonely little kid. I hate seeing you like that.” I gently caressed his face and looked at him sadly. “On a happier side, though, I really do enjoy our training sessions and enjoy your company. You’re Sith side is a boss too so all together you need a friend and make a good friend. So here we are.” He was silent as he processed everything. I moved my hand to his shoulder, smiling at him.  
“Well, I guess that all makes sense then. I’ll be going, I guess.” He looked troubled and started to leave, but I stopped him.  
“Hold it. You got to ask your questions, now I’ll ask mine. Why are you really bothered by Hux and me? And don’t try to lie.” He gave a pained grimace.  
“Please…please don’t ask. Not today.”  
“Why?”  
“You’ll hate me for it.”  
“I hate seeing you unhappy.”  
“Well, I’m always unhappy,” he snapped. “No use pretending otherwise.”  
“Kylo…”  
“Oh don’t even start. Ask some other time, okay? When I’m not about to snap preferably.” I looked down and sighed.  
“Alright. Go on then.” He clenched his jaw and left, barely keeping himself together. I sighed and decided to shower. After cleaning up, I tried to sleep, but to no avail. After several hours, someone came in, Hux, by the footsteps. He laid down next to me and wrapped his arms around me.  
“Hm? What’s the matter, love? You’re rigid as stone.”  
“Something is up with Kylo but he won’t tell me what it is. Something about us seriously bothers him.”  
“He probably just hates that I’m the person who won your heart. He doesn’t like when good things happen to me.”  
“No, that’s what he told me, but he was lying. It’s something deeper than that.”  
“Well, his emotions change faster that a teenage girl’s, so I’m sure he will be fine later.”  
“I have a bad feeling about what the truth is.”  
“What do you need?”  
“Can you just hold me?” He nodded and held me close as a small tear slipped down my face. If my theory was right, I wouldn’t stay with Hux. I couldn’t. As I cried quietly and Hux stroked my hair, I eventually fell into a troubled sleep, my dreams being no less unnerving than reality.


	6. Old Friends

The week following my encounter with Kylo went by quietly. Hux was doting on me and usually stayed in my room when he wasn’t working. He really was sweet at the core, if he thought you were worth his time anyway. Ren, on the other hand, was ridiculously evasive and cold-shouldered towards me. He was acting completely emotionless and nothing stirred him at all. This was great news to Hux as nothing was getting destroyed but I was becoming increasingly concerned. I knew how it felt to be that icily indifferent and it didn’t feel good, meaning whatever was prompting his change hurt more than forcing himself to feel nothing. It was extremely unlike him.  
Another week passed and there were whispers about Hux and I, meaning he was slipping up in public, and Kylo becoming increasingly reclusive, to the point that I barely saw him by the week’s end. Early one day, I was surprised by a knock on my door. Hux hadn’t stayed over last night. It seemed he was losing his enthusiasm and we were slowly breaking up, he just didn’t realize it. Opening the door, I found Kylo there and I was momentarily hopeful that he would explain himself. Only momentarily.  
“Training room. Now.” He skulked off towards the rooms. Seeing as this was an opportunity to really see what was up, I quickly followed, in full gear this time. I had barely readied myself on the mat before he started attacking. I managed to dodge and deflect, but I was definitely not prepared. I quickly got myself together was ready for his second calculated attack. I knew this was going to be a challenge and probably my loss. He was on game with nothing but skill and strategy. It was his best, really, but he wasn’t himself. I began returning attacks and the fight accelerated from there.  
At one point, we locked blades and held steady, attempting to use the Force to gain the upper hand. For a brief moment, I felt a glimmer of internal hatred. He was in total control of it but it drove his attacks and gave him immense power, just like a true sith. His hatred was aimed at me. He was fighting me this time, not just an imaginary enemy. He would kill me if he got the chance.  
I found an opening and shoved him away, grazing his arm with a saber, but as I did I missed his own saber aiming for my shoulder, which it pierced easily. Growling in pain, he used my distraction to knee me in the gut and disarm me, trapping me on the ground and using his saber’s cross piece to trap my neck. He stood over me and planted a knee on my wounded shoulder, grinding it into the ground until I was almost screaming. Just then, an odd realization hit me. The rage, the pain, the internal war between us, it was all an expression of something else. I was pissed at him but only because I love this so much. I wanted more. I wanted him. I hated him right now because I loved him. And he needed to know.   
He got up and started to leave. I groaned and scrambled up as well.  
“Wait. And don’t you dare ignore me.” He stopped and just stood there, unmoving.  
“I’m not going to heal you.”  
I stalked over behind him and growled quietly. “I don’t want you to. I just want you to listen. And then explain yourself.”  
“Fine. Talk.” He turned around coldly.  
“I’ve come to a realization. I hate you so much sometimes, now being one of them. You are pathetic, temperamental, childish, and undisciplined. You blow up when someone says something the wrong way, you turn as cold as ice when someone other than you gets attention. You’re stubborn and weak minded and I can’t stand a damn thing about you some days. And you know what the worst part is? The reason I hate everything about you is because I’m actually in complete and utter love with you. And it’s pfassking killing me Kylo, so you damn well better explain why you’ve decided it was a good idea to destroy everything I love about you and become a soulless statue.” I saw the complete shock in his aura as it broke through his iron walls. He shakily pulled off his helmet and stepped closer to me, staring me down. He pulled off my helmet as well so he could look me in the eyes.  
“You’re lying.”  
“The hell I am.” I stepped even closer so our faces were just inched apart. I knew my eyes showed him I was telling him the truth. For a second, his own eyes flashed to my mouth and he flinched, seeming to lean closer, just a bit. I did the same but before anything else could happen he backed away and left in a flash. I could tell he was in a totally confused state and didn’t know what to do, so I let him go, hoping he would either turn up at my door later or he would let me in when I visited tonight. In the meantime, I had some business to discuss with Hux.  
“General.” He looked up from his papers, annoyed until he saw it was me.  
“Oh, hello blondie. What can I do for you?”  
“Start hating me now because I’m calling everything off.”  
“Wait, what? What do you mean?”  
“We’re done, Hux. You know the feeling has been fading for a while. I’m starting to see you just as a friend rather than a lover. Besides, rumors are getting around and Snoke always hears about those.”  
“Hold on, you can’t just spring that on me. What prompted it?”  
“A good fight and a lot of hatred.” He looked confused and hurt.  
“But…what…”  
“There really isn’t anything to discuss, Armie. I just think we will be better off as friends and nothing more.” With that, I got up and left, leaving him worked up and lost.  
I returned to my quarters and read for several hours, killing time and seeing if Ren was going to show up. Lunchtime came and went and there was still no sign of him. None of the troops had seen him either. That evening, I decided to see if he was home.  
“Hey, Ren, you there? Let me in.” I knocked somewhat loudly and a minute later the door opened. “Thanks.” No one was in the front room so I wandered back, finding him sitting on his bed, staring at his Vader shrine. “Communing with the dead again, are we?” I leaned on the door frame.  
“What do you want?”  
“You never explained yourself. Tell me why you were mad about Hux and why you’ve been so cold, which I assume are related, and I’ll leave you alone. Not going anywhere until then.” He looked up at me, obviously angry about my insistence.  
“Very well. I was angry about Hux because I was jealous. He didn’t deserve you, and in reality no one does, but I wanted to be the person you chose. I craved your attention and reveled in every moment you took to heal me or comfort me. It made me think that maybe, just maybe, you could return my sentiment and we could be something. But no, you had to go and shatter all that by playing with the General.”  
“I broke up with him by the way.”  
“Oh really? Why ever would you do that?” The venom in his voice was undeniable.  
“You know why.”  
“Whatever. I got over that jealousy and instead decided to guard myself against any future harm of that sort by locking my emotions up forever, only permitting my hatred of you to fuel my actions. There’s my explanation, now leave.”  
“But do you still feel for me, even though you locked it away? You know where to find me if you want me.” He looked at me, a hint of surprise tingeing his aura. He seemed confused by that offer.  
“What was that?”  
“I said, you know where to find me if you want me. If you don’t, I’ll go about my business. If you do, I’m at your command.”  
“Did you just offer to essentially be my slave, my possession?”  
“Yes. Seems that’s all I am to people anyway. I might as well be the slave to the only person I love whether I want to love them or not.”  
“And…do you want to love me?”  
“Oh hell yes.” I didn’t bother to hide the desire in my voice which clearly baffled him. “Surprised? So am I. I figured after all you’ve done to shut me out and hurt me I wouldn’t want you what so ever, but instead I want you more. I want to love you but I also want to help you. I want to be there for you like I always have been but this time I want you to know why I’m there. I want to hold you when you’re lonely and heal you when you’re hurt. I want to kill anyone who wrongs you and more than anything I want to save you from yourself.”  
“W-what do you mean, from myself?”  
“If you lock up your heart long enough it will die, and then you’ll have this empty sucking vortex that will drive you to your death. I know, I’ve been there. Thank the Maker someone found me before it was too late.”  
“You…you mean that…. You were….”  
“It was a few years after I started my training. Saw a lot of blood, broke a lot of minds, and after a while I was staring at some knives on Dantooine thinking they looked mighty sharp and pretty. That night a Lieutenant found me in a pool of my own blood on the floor of my hotel room. So, here I am, and I never want to be that way again. I’m grateful for heartbreak and loss because it reminds me that I am alive and feeling. Do yourself the favor and embrace the pain, not shut it out.” I grimaced and he was quiet, thinking, processing.  
“I had no idea.”   
“No one does, except myself and that Lieutenant, who is now dead, by the way.”  
He stood up and came over to me, putting and arm against the wall to trap me there.  
“I’m sorry. I’ve been a fool. And I almost let my second chance go to waste.”  
“Don’t apologize. Just fix it, okay? I love you too much to let you destroy yourself.”  
“I love you.”  
“I know.” I kissed him, softly, but with meaning, showing him that I wasn’t lying. He didn’t know how to react at first but ended up kissing me back, a bit messily as though he didn’t entirely know he was doing it.  
“Get some rest and wake up an angry, short-tempered mess, okay? I like you better that way. It’s more natural.” I smiled and hugged him, him returning the gesture.  
“Do you have to go?”  
“You don’t need me tonight. It’s better if I let you mull this whole ordeal over for now.” He nodded and I left, glad to have my Kylo back. Also, I didn’t really hate him now. That had passed hours ago. I did still hate parts of him though, like the part that had almost destroyed the wonderful man I just revived.  
Two days later, we were moving on Takodana. Hux decided to send me in first to make contact and scout the area. He was being quite bitter about our break up, but at least he was focused on the initiative. Boarding a captured cargo ship, Ryntar and I set off for Maz Kanata’s castle. On the way, I changed back into my Jakku garb, putting my robes in Ryntar’s saddle bags along with my sabers.  
After landing in a secluded clearing a good hour’s ride from the castle, I mounted up and went on my way, passing the Falcon not far from my position. I once again had that distant feeling of familiarity and I decided to work on my mind block. These mysteries were getting to me. By the time I reached the castle, I had dismantled roughly fifty percent of the block, allowing me to access several memories form shortly before I joined the Order. Tying up Ryntar, I put my memory quest on hold and went inside, spotting the crew in the back with Maz. I approached quietly, sitting at the next table so I could hear. Maz was keen however and Rey followed her stare, seeing me.  
“Rinla! You’re alive! How?!”  
Let’s just say Rathtars aren’t the smartest creatures. They followed me into the airlock and I used the safety exit to get out before ejecting them.”  
“Nice one, kid. Glad to see you alive.” Solo smirked at me. He was a lot like his son at times.  
“I take it you kept BB-8 safe?”  
“Of course,” Rey scoffed, as if that was an unreasonable question. Finn was the only person looking grim.  
“Can we get back to business here?” He was frowning.  
“Oh, come on Finn, it’s Rinla! Aren’t you glad to see her?”  
“Well, yeah, but I’m not thrilled to be here.”  
“He wants to run,” Maz piped in. “And you, you are not who you seem to be.”  
“Hmm, indeed not. Why do you want to run, Finn? I figured you’d want to return to your Resistance friends.” He was silent.  
“You see those two over there? They will do anything for work. They can take you to the Outer Rim.” Maz directed him to two thugs across the room. He nodded and headed towards them. Rey looked at us before following him. They were so cute together.  
Han and Maz went off into their own conversation about General Organa. Apparently that was his wife, Kylo’s mom, and the leader of the Resistance. Ouch.  
I noticed a distraught Rey slipping off into the cellars and followed her quietly. She was following a voice from her past. Most of us Force-sensitives do at some point. That’s usually how we find our crystals. She found a box and when she opened it, there was a lightsaber inside.  
Skywalker  
What? A memory, or something, whispered through my mind. That saber had belonged to a Skywalker and now it was calling to her. Maybe she….but that would be impossible. Or was it? She snapped to and dropped the saber, staggering back.  
“Rey!” I caught her. “You okay, sis?” I instantly covered my mouth in shock. “What the…”  
“S-sis? What are you on about, Rinla?”  
“I….I have no idea…..it just came out of nowhere, or somewhere deep in my mind. Maybe….maybe I had a sister once and you reminded me of her.”  
“You don’t know if you had a sister?”  
“N-no, I…”  
“That saber. It calls to you? It belonged to Luke Skywalker, and his father before him. The Force is strong with you.” Maz came out of nowhere.  
“The Force?” I spaced off just then, still wondering about what could have prompted my outburst. Did I have a sister? And Luke, he felt more important than simply his existence as the last Jedi. I started working on the block again. I needed answers. I needed to…  
“Rin-laaa. Hey! You in there?” Rey was waving her hands in front of me.  
“Huh? Oh….uh, what?”  
“Take the saber, child. It is yours.” Rey turned back to Maz.  
“I’m not touching that thing again,” she said and ran off.  
“You are troubled, Nihla Ren. What is it that you feel?”  
“Why didn’t you tell the others?”  
“I knew you weren’t here as an agent of the First Order. I feel the force as keenly as you do.”  
“I feel….familiarity. I felt it when I met her and again when I flew the Falcon and met Han and Chewy. Chewy also seemed to recognize me. And now, now this saber, and Skywalker, they all feel important to me on a much greater level. I know Kylo Ren from my past too but this stupid mind block!” I groaned and rubbed my head while pacing. “I’m trying to break it. I need to know who I am.”  
“Good. You will succeed. You know, when the First Order invades I’d much rather deal with you than the others. You’re reasonable and don’t have a habit of obliterating everything in your path.” The light outside suddenly turned blood red. I gasped and fell to my knees, clutching my chest.  
“Oh no…they…they shot it. They fired the Starkiller.” Maz’s eyes grew even wider. I felt a flurry of lights being extinguished all at once. The souls of millions disintegrating in a flash. I felt each planet crumble and vanish. The New Republic was dead.  
“You, you feel them all don’t you?” Maz whispered quietly.  
“Y-yes…” I shuddered. Single lives or even several hundred didn’t usually bother me, but an entire planetary system? That was…wrong. This weapon was slaughter, not war. If there isn’t a fight there isn’t a win. The fight wins you people.  
“Change of heart?” I snapped my gaze to her, thinking for a moment then nodding.  
“You could say that.” Han, Finn, and Chewy walked in as I was getting up. Take this to Rey.” I grabbed the lightsaber and handed it to Finn.  
“A lightsaber?!”  
“Yeah…” I looked away. “I…have to go. Trouble is coming, protect yourselves and the droid. I’ve got someone to deal with.” I turned to leave but when I reached the door, Finn spoke up.  
“Who?” I looked over my shoulder.  
“Kylo Ren,” I said quietly. Han’s face fell.  
“But, how? He’s a Sith!”  
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me Finn. Trust me.” I left, summoning my gear from Ryntar and changing quickly. With his usual perfect timing, Kylo arrived on the field, striding off his ship with the usual flair. Han and Chewy were holding their own nicely and Finn was facing off with one of our top troops. He was using the saber.  
I worked my way his direction, drawing quite a bit of attention. The trooper nodded at me, assuming I was there to help, however, I slightly disrupted his swing while keeping my eyes on Finn, who killed him.  
Run. Find Rey .Confused, he did run, and I pretended to be distracted but other fighters, several of whom I knocked out. I saw Kylo take off into the forest and I soon followed, knowing Rey was in there. She had taken out several troopers by the time Kylo got to her. Force-freezing her, he lowered his saber beside her head.  
“Kylo,” I growled. “You kill her and I’ll kill you.”  
“Oh, she won’t be killed. Not yet.” He knocked her out, gracefully catching her and brushing past me as he carried her bridal-style.  
“I think that’s the smoothest you’ve ever been with a girl.” He scoffed as I smirked at him behind my helmet.  
“What’s she to you?”  
“A friend, real and true.” He glared and started walking. “Possibly a sister, too,” I called over my shoulder, stopping him.  
“You remember?”  
“I’m trying to. Oh, and if Hux happened to turn up dead, would you be suspicious?”  
“Hm, no, in fact I’d…rather enjoy that. What’d he do to you?”  
“Not to me. To millions.”  
“…I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”  
“If that’s the case, you should just rat me out. Snoke would certainly applaud you for it.” He seemed astonished that I would suggest such a thing and decided to leave. I made my way back to Han, Finn, and Chewy, who had recovered BB-8.  
“Hold it right there!” Han said, pointing his blaster at me.  
“You do realize that won’t work on me, right?”  
“Drop your weapons and remove your helmet.” I did as he asked.  
“Will you let me explain so I can go after Rey?” Han’s jaw actually dropped, realizing I was ‘Rinla’.  
“Rinla? You’ve gotta be kidding me…” Han was puzzled and realization dawned on Finn’s face.  
“So that’s why you told me to run…but, you’re First Order, so why help me?”  
“Friends do that sort of thing, Finn. They watch out for each other. Currently, you five are the only people I can actually trust. I’m not entirely sure where Kylo stands.”  
“My son… is he still, well, Ben?” Han joined the conversation again, Kylo’s name catching his interest.  
“Deep down yes. I cut him deep by accident and made it worse, but I think I brought him back to normal when I proved to him I really do love him. Not Ben, exactly, but normal Kylo. He was seriously dangerous when he was mad at me, but now we are on decent terms. The Starkiller, however, was inexcusable. I will rip the Order apart from the inside while you and the Resistance handle the outside.”  
“Wait, you’re in love with that freak?! ....oops, sorry Han. N-no offence…”  
“I’m in love with Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren, although I do enjoy Ren’s personality too.”  
“He was in love with a girl when he was younger and still training to be a Jedi. She was Luke’s daughter. She was killed in the slaughter.” A memory was triggered by that of a young Ben smiling at…me. Huh….  
“Look, Nihla Ren, even if you are on our side what could you possibly do within the Order? Won’t they, like, read your mind or something?” Finn was highly skeptical.  
“Ha, don’t make me laugh. Even Snoke can’t get in my head anymore and therefore no one can. I can get Rey out so she can escape. Also, I’ll leave a door open for you. You know the reactor core on the base, Finn? Well, you blow that up and the whole planet goes with. No more Starkiller.”  
“And after that? Do we go back to being enemies?”  
“No, not at all. I’ll stay with the Order long enough to sway Kylo into leaving with me. If I succeed in that then I will end all allegiances and become a freelancer. I’ll track down my family.” Finn nodded, liking what he was hearing.  
“Just a second, is your name actually Nihla?” Han was now looking at me suspiciously.  
“Uh, yeah. It is. No last name though. Don’t remember it.”  
“The only Nihla I’ve ever known was my niece and Luke’s eldest. Ben’s girl. It sounds like you have some memory issues, but does the name Nihla Skywalker ring any bells?” I thought for a minute.  
“Hmmm…Yes. It does. Lots of them, actually. I’m working on getting my memories back, but until then I won’t confirm anything or commit to any theories. Did Luke have a younger daughter as well?”  
“Yes, but his wife left with her when he became too busy with the padawans.”  
“Well, if I break this mind block and all these ducks do line up then this will be one very odd family tree. It’s funny how all this happens, isn’t it? That would also explain my penchant for the light side.”  
“Yeah, Chewy thought you looked familiar, and you knew the Falcon like the back of your hand. Luke’s Nihla used to fly with me all the time and Chewy taught her how to co-pilot.”  
“I hope I am who you are suggesting I am. I’ll bring Ben back to you, but you need to see him. He fears that you will strengthen his inner light that he’s locked away, and he has a right to fear it. He can’t run from the truth forever. We need to force that light to grow.”  
“I’ll do anything to get him back.” I nodded and saw the Resistance landing.  
“That’s my cue to leave. Good luck. Relay the plan to General Organa.” I put my helmet back on, retrieved my sabers, and summoned Ryntar. We rode off just as she was exiting her ship, calling after me. I had to get back to base before anyone became suspicious or Kylo hurt Rey.


	7. Traitor Heart

Once I returned to the base I immediately tracked down Kylo. He was in the interrogation room with Rey, who was still passed out. I walked in silently, catching his attention and making him flare with irritation.  
“Here to keep her safe, traitor heart?”  
“Not really. I’m here to see if my sister is as strong as I am.”  
“Sister?”  
“If I truly am a Skywalker, then she is my half-sister, Luke’s youngest. That’s why we are so powerful.”  
“A Skywalker?! But…isn’t that impossible?”  
“Anakin and Padme were impossible, yet it happened.” We were silent.  
“Have you ever lied to me?” He started at the ground, not even shifting.  
“No.”  
“How can I trust that? You… I shouldn’t let you live.”  
“But you won’t kill me. You don’t have the heart. Also, somewhere inside, you know I’m right. Have I ever knowingly hurt you?”  
“Yes, you….” He stood to face me but stopped his thought, realizing what I asked. “… no, you haven’t. You didn’t know…..”  
“Trust that I have a plan, Kylo. I know you are still struggling with destroying yourself but believe me I’ll get us out of this. Please, believe in me.” His aura turned a wintery blue, indicating fear and sadness.  
“I’m trying to, really I am.” He whispered, a slight crack in his voice.  
“Good.” I put a hand on his arm to reassure him. “She’s coming to. I’ll wait outside.” I watched as he interrogated her, making snarky comments and irritating her.  
“You still want to kill me.”  
“That’s what happens when you’re being hunted by a creature in a mask.” Heh, nice one Rey. Kylo bristled at that and surprised her by removing his helmet. She probably had expected something horrifying, not his handsome face. He went on to try coaxing the map from her mind, softly speaking of various things. When that didn’t work, he tried to invade her mind, but she pushed back. They struggled for a while before she forced her way into his mind and pushed him out of hers.  
“You…you’re afraid….that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader!” He stood up and flew out of the room, forgetting his helmet. Smirking, I strode is after he left.  
“You’ll have to excuse him. His childish emotions do still get the best of him occasionally. I’m Nihla Ren.”  
“W-who?”  
“Oh, you know, the Dark Lady, the most powerful Sith currently known to the universe, and now Traitor Heart, according to Kylo Ren,” I said casually, sitting down. “You only know me by one name, though.” I took off my helmet, earning a gasp from Rey.  
“Rinla?!”  
“You know, Finn had the same reaction. You two are seriously meant to be.”  
“Are you here to free me… or kill me?”  
“Neither, really, though I suppose I am indirectly going to do the former and protect you from the latter. A new trooper is going to be stationed as your guard. He is arrogant, but exceedingly weak-minded. He should be easy to…manipulate, if you catch my drift. Especially after that stunt you just pulled with Kylo. His mind is not easy to break, even for me, so that was impressive. With a bit of training I would bet you could give me a run for my money.” I smirked at her. “Anyway, have fun. Oh, and three lefts, right, left should put you in a good position. I’ll keep those halls relatively clear for you.”  
I left her speechless, taking Ren’s helmet and finding him brooding in his room in front of his shrine. When he noticed me he habitually tried to lock everything up again. Even though he forgave me, he was still behaving coldly due to the conditioning he put himself through.  
“Don’t bother. It’s nice to see you again, Kylo.” I sat down next to him, setting his helmet on the floor.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Sitting. Is that a problem?”  
“Uhmm…no, but that’s not what I meant.”  
“Oh, you mean with Rey. Nothing, actually. Though I may have given her an idea by accident. I congratulated her on breaking you. You needed it.” He glared at me and continued staring at his shrine. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head on his shoulder, making him jump a bit.  
“N-Nihla, seriously? What…what are you doing?”  
“Oh, just poking the emotional bantha and seeing what he does.”  
“Why?”  
“It helps you undo the conditioning. I’m seeing how hopeful I need to be.”  
“Hopeful of what?”  
“That Ben Solo is still alive. Or is it just Kylo Ren in there, dying by his own hand?” His gaze snapped to meet mine.  
“What….you spoke to my father, didn’t you.”  
“Yes, but that’s not why I’m looking for Ben. I’ve been remembering things, Kylo. Like the two of us as teenagers when you killed the new Jedi and took me with you because you loved me too much to leave me behind. I remember Han giving us a hard time because we were inseparable. I loved you then which is why it was so easy to fall for you again, even without my memories. We were friends then and now. Where is my friend, Kylo?”  
“Six feet underground and he’s running out of air. No one hears him anymore, Nihla. He thought you left him and still can’t trust that you won’t,” he said softly.  
“I will never leave him…I will never leave you, Ben. We can still hear him. Can we try to dig him out? There is hope for us yet. I can feel it.”  
“I can’t reach him anymore….It takes everything I have just to remain Kylo anymore.”  
“Well, maybe I can.” I gently took his face in my hands and kissed him softly. “Come back to me, Ben Solo.” I kissed him again, watching a small fire glimmer in his eyes and grow larger as he hesitantly kissed me back before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me onto his lap.  
“Nihla…” He rested his forehead on mine. “I love you. Don’t you ever leave me, okay? You’re the reason I am still me at all. All these years I’ve been trying to destroy Ben Solo and now Kylo Ren, but now that I’ve nearly succeeded I’m… I’m afraid to lose them.”  
“This is something no one can take from us. We proved that because despite all of Snoke’s efforts we still fell in love again. I will never leave you. I will help you protect who you are.” He hugged me tightly and pulled me down on the bed, rolling so he was leaning over me. He kissed me passionately and things escalated quickly. Good thing it was evening.  
I woke up to Ben’s smooth form curled around me snugly. Smiling to myself, I tried to slip away but he just groaned quietly and held me tighter.  
“Ngh…Nihla…” I rolled to face him and put my arms around his neck, stroking his hair until his eyes fluttered open and he smirked at me. “Hm, fine. What does my princess want now?” I chuckled.  
“For you to wake up as nicely as possible and let me go. We can’t be suspicious or Snoke will surely catch on.” He sighed.  
“I guess I have to lock my feelings for you up like a bird in a cage during the day so he won’t see you in my mind.”  
“Yes. Honestly, when you are in control of your emotions no one stands a chance against you. Maybe you could work on doing that without destroying yourself.”  
“Yeah, I will actually. I did enjoy being unstoppable. Can you help me strengthen my mental defenses so Snoke can’t get in my head?”  
“Hmmm, I can, but it won’t be pleasant.”  
“Why? I know there are easier ways of going about it.”  
“Pain is the best teacher. It’s unfortunate, but true. I’ll work up to it, but eventually I will attack you at random times in the halls, in meetings, when you think you’re alone. One or two public breakdowns and you will be unbreakable.” He looked at me with wide eyes.  
“Do you know how disturbingly frightening you are when you get all dark like that and really embody the dark side? Just the intent coming off you would send an army running from the psychological damage.” I flicked my gaze away.  
“Sorry, I usually have a pretty good grip on that. However, that was nothing compared to what I can really do. That darkness is when Snoke’s work is at its best. All light vanishes from me and I essentially become an indestructible force of evil. I lose myself. It’s spooky on my end to, when I become aware of it.”  
“Where does it come from? You said your inner light was too strong to be smothered by any outside force, so it must come from within you.” I was silent, pondering this. I had to finish with the mind block to really answer that, but I knew it had to do with my parents. A memory of a dying woman crying my name came to me, an old memory, but this time she was familiar…my…mother, I think. Then another memory of a man came forward. He was pacing in front of me and pointing at something I was doing. I shifted to correct it and it seemed to be a form correction. I had a long staff in my hand and the man had a lightsaber hanging from his belt. He must be Luke Skywalker and I was a padawan. He was training me separate from the others. It wasn’t the usual class time, I could tell. He was extra hard on me, but when we were done we went…home. So he was my father.  
“Hmmm, I think I harbor a bit of a grudge against my father, which makes me very bitter. Also, I have something very dark relating to my mother, which is the major source of my hostility.”  
“Geez, why are dads always so troublesome? Parents in general, actually.” I smirked.  
“Anyway, we should train later today. You probably won’t like me afterwards. Also, it’s likely that I will test you first whenever I feel inclined to do so.” I got up and quickly found my clothes and cleaned up. I felt Kylo watching my every move and studying me.  
“Do you even know what I actually look like?”  
“Hm?”  
“My appearance. Can you see me in a normal sense, or just with the Force?”  
“I can see you. You have smooth black hair and pale skin. You’re kind of lanky, but it’s all muscle. You have beautiful eyes and perfectly symmetrical features. The best part is I don’t even have to look at you to see you. I can look at your Force imprint over here or there.” I gestured to where he sat last night and another spot by the door where he had stood a few days ago.  
“Yeah, but it’s better when you look at the real me.” He came over and took my face in his hands. “Can you undo the blindness too? Like you are with the mind block?”  
“I suppose I could. It would be easy, but I like being able to see everything.”  
“Well, one of these days I want you to see me for real. Even if you only do it once.”  
“Alright, I’ll do that for you.” I pecked his lips and grabbed my helmet, leaving his room quietly and stalking to the interrogation room. Rey was still there apparently and was looking extremely bored.  
“Having fun, sis? And yes, I meant to call you that this time. Mind if I sit here for a while?”  
“Not like I can make you do otherwise. What’s with the name?”  
“I have determined that you are, indeed, my half-sister. We have the same mom. Our dad adopted me when he married her. Then they had you. That’s why I want to sit in here. You stir up memories and make it easier to break down the mind block.”  
“You’re… you’re serious, aren’t you?”  
“Yep. Surprise.” I checked if anyone was within earshot. “Why do you think I’m helping you? You’re one of my actual friends, but now you’re also family. Friends don’t leave each other behind and neither do sisters.” After that she went into deep thought and I sat down to work on my mind block. In a few hours, I had succeeded, but instead of exploring my memories I sensed Kylo in a nearby hallway and decided to test him. His reaction made me laugh, disturbing Rey.  
“What’s so funny?”  
“Oh, just people’s reactions to unexpected mental attacks. I think Kylo left a dent in that wall.”  
“Kylo? Why attack him? He’s your…comrade, isn’t he?”  
“Comrade, partner, boyfriend, yeah. I am training him to better guard his mind so Snoke doesn’t find out about us. Affection and emotion in general isn’t exactly encouraged around here. Snoke would probably blank our minds and torture us until our souls died if he found out.”  
“Sounds insane to me, but I get it, I suppose.”  
“Are you and Finn together yet?”  
“What? We don’t….I don’t…what’s that got to do with anything?!” Kylo’s mind was fighting back but with increasingly labored effort. He wasn’t going to last much longer.  
“Stuttering and denial. Number one signs of lo-ove. C’mon, you can’t honestly think he isn’t into you, can you? He adores you!”  
“Seriously, we’re just friends! Geez, you really are my sister aren’t you?” She blushed and laughed a bit.  
“Uh-huh.” I chuckled and smiled.  
“So, you’re betraying them, then?”  
“In a sense. Physically, I’m supporting the First Order, playing my part. Internally however I am finding myself supporting the Resistance more and more, especially because of you guys. That’s another reason Kylo needs to guard his mind. He knows I’m a traitor at heart. Oh, there he went.” I stood up and cleared everyone from the hall Kylo was in, then proceeded to pin him against a wall. Holding him there, I slowly released a small bit of the dark, burning pain into his mind that Snoke had used on me. I knew I probably looked darkly concentrated. The small, constant sting weakened him quickly until he was on the verge of unconsciousness, at which point I withdrew and gently let him slip to the ground.  
I decided to leave him alone for just a few hours both to recover and to go over the experience himself before I discussed it with him.  
“Uh, Nihla? Y-you okay?” Rey was quite concerned and I felt Ren slowly drag himself back to his quarters and lock himself in. I definitely needed to check on him later.  
“Yeah, I just had to concentrate really hard to make sure I didn’t go too far with my attack. I let him experience a minute fraction of what Snoke did to train my mind. It isn’t pretty, but I don’t think it was too much. I hope it wasn’t.”  
“Hm, well, you should probably go check on him then. Besides, haven’t you been with ‘the prisoner’ an awfully long time?”  
“Heh, yes, I suppose so. Oh, and that trooper I told you about? His number is JB-007. I think he is set for duty today.”  
“Got it, thanks. And good luck with your…er, boyfriend.” I nodded and left, passing Kylo’s room on the way to my own. It was rather still in there, which concerned me, but I decided to go see Hux first, then come back. He was in his office crunching numbers for expenses, budgets, repairs, firing Starkiller, etcetera. He looked up briefly as I entered.  
“Nihla Ren. What do you want?”  
“Eh, just killing a little time with some interesting company before I check on our neighborhood nutcase.”  
“Ren? What’s wrong with him?”  
“Hopefully nothing, but he likely is extra unstable. I might have broken him a bit.”  
“Why the hell did you do that? You know how much of a mess he is on a good day.”  
“Yep, which is why I am training him. He asked me to help him strengthen his mental defenses.”  
“Ugh, idiot. Well, I doubt I will be that interesting of company right now, unless numbers are your new flame.”  
“Hmm, I don’t believe they are, but they take your mind off things.”  
“Running from your head again?”  
“You could say that.”  
“Then why come here?”  
“You’re a different sort of fellow. And you seem to have gotten over our breakup, finally.”  
“Ah, so… we are still friends, I take it?”  
“Was there ever any question?” He smirked and chuckled, making me do the same. I liked Hux, just… not romantically.  
“Alright, so what’s bugging you this time?”  
“ You’re supposed to avoid that question, remember? Distraction, Hux. Distraction.”  
“Heh, right. Sorry. Um, how are things with Lo- Kylo?” I made a buzzer noise.  
“Wrong, try again.” He smirked.  
“Hm, okay, what do you think of our first firing?”  
“Couldn’t say. Next.”  
“Ugh, fine. Um, how’s our pretty prisoner, then?”  
“Woahhh, if you’re hitting on my sister then…” I stopped. “Uhhmmm….”  
“Oh ho! What’s this? Now here’s something to talk about. The scavenger is your sister?!”  
“Ugh…yes, she is. I finally finished breaking my mind block down today, confirming that we are related. I started working on it after I met and befriended her on Jakku. We have the same mom. Can we move on?”  
“Absolutely not! So, you remember everything now?”  
“Yeah, but I haven’t really explored the memories yet. I’ll admit I’m kind of afraid of what I’ll find.”  
“That’s fair, I guess. Where do you come from then? Planet-wise?”  
“I actually don’t know that whatsoever.” I took a minute to look deep in my mind. “It seems that she fled her home while pregnant with me and I was born on Dantooine before relocating to where she met Rey’s father. Can’t get any names at the moment.”  
“Huh, that’s unfortunate. So you don’t know who your father or mother are?” A destroyed visage came to mind from one of my first missions.  
“Um, I don’t know about my father, but my mom, I think she….well, remember when we were first starting and Snoke sent me to Tatooine to gather information from a target?”  
“Yes, mission X1531-P. You extracted all information from the target and killed her, correct?”  
“Mmyeah…rather violently. It had to be my bloodiest mission, to be honest…” I shook my head and sighed. “This is why I’m hesitant to remember things…”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Any idea why Snoke ordered me to be so brutal?”  
“….No, no one understands his methods.”  
“She was my mother, and her light was strong within me. He made me destroy her unconsciously to destroy that light.” Hux was silent.  
“Maker, Nihla….he’s” he lowered his voice to a hushed whisper. “…he’s really a monster, more than anyone. More than me. I’ll destroy star systems and torture captives. I may even have killed my own father if it was required of me. But never would I intentionally have someone obliterate their family with the inhuman violence he had you use. I was disgusted by his orders when he first gave them. I know I’m sick and twisted, but he enjoys the sickness.” I held his gaze for a while.  
“Yeah…I suppose, in a way, that is why he succeeds though. There is an unnatural fear that he invokes in others and it weakens their resolve.” We sat there quietly for a while. “I guess I should go. It’s getting late and I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day.”  
“Alright, I should go too. You haven’t been wrong yet.” I nodded and left, heading to Kylo’s room. No one answered when I knocked so I quietly let myself in.  
“Kylo?” He wasn’t in the main rooms but there was a faint light coming from the back rooms. I picked my way through broken glass and scattered objects to find Kylo sitting facing a corner shirtless, bloody, and crying. “Ben!” I started to work my way towards him, but before I got to him, I was hit with a massive force shove that threw me into one of the reinforced walls. I heard a snap as my head hit the wall, followed by extreme dizziness and a near blackout as I fell to the floor. I stayed down until the room stopped spinning and crawled to my knees, standing up shakily and once again moving towards him.   
He turned his gaze to me, eyes burning into every move he made, and I was suddenly struck with the desire to see him as a human being. I stopped and closed my eyes, taking a deep shuddering breath. I felt Kylo briefly look at me questioningly. I worked the darkness from my vision and contained it in my mind so I could put it back later.  
When I opened my eyes, I realized just how dark the room was and the man before me, half is shadow and half in light, almost stopped my heart.  
“Ben…” I whispered tearfully. I went over to him and took his hands in mine, a few of my tears falling on his wounds. I tried to touch his face, but he pulled away sharply, nearly pulling me over.  
“…Leave me alone,” he said through tears and clenched teeth. I choked on a sob.  
“No. No, no, and no. I’m so sorry, I tried not to go too far. I kept everyone out of the halls, I didn’t beat you up, I though just a little taste would be okay…..but I was wrong. Maker, I was so wrong, Ben! Please, please can you forgive me at all?” He silently stared at me with an icy, pained glare. I could tell he wasn’t angry so much as hurt. “Please,” I whispered, “I almost lost myself, but I controlled it. I didn’t let the darkness take me. Not hurting you was a need strong enough to allow me to fight the darkness. Together, we can conquer our evils, maybe even destroy them! Just, don’t give out on me.”  
He turned away and took a deep breath, staring at his corner. He didn’t respond for a long time, so I sat behind him and started gently tracing the wounds and old scars on his back. He stiffened when I did, but seemed to end up mesmerized by it. Eventually, he turned back to me and held my gaze, much softer this time. Then, he wrapped me up in his arms and hugged me tightly.  
“Don’t ever do that to me again, Nihla. I have never felt so dead inside, so empty, with nothing but dull pain and darkness for company. If we are going to succeed, we have to take the long way out. Slowly build up my mind and slowly eradicate your darkness. We can do this. No matter what, we have something Snoke and the Order will never have. Love.” He kissed my head, then chuckled, realizing something. “Who’s the calm one now, hm?” I giggled.  
“Guess our places have swapped, haven’t they? How ironic.” We both smiled and kissed each other. I convinced him to let me clean up his wounds and pick up the broken items. Once I had, we went to sleep, sound in our love and ready for whatever the next day would hold.


	8. The Losing Fight

I think I tied up almost all my loose ends. Now I just needed Rey to make her escape so I could get to the Resistance. I had no plans to stay there, but I needed Rey’s trust and the Resistance’s help to find my father. Ren and I went to see Snoke and reported the failures to break Rey. We were ordered to bring her before him.  
When we arrived at the interrogation room, it was empty and unguarded. Good girl. Ren set to destroying the room in a fit of rage, but soon began to question the expression on my face.  
“What are you smirking at?”  
“Did you expect anything less from my sister? She is easily as strong as I am, if not stronger, and can be quite…persuasive, when she needs to be.”  
“Did you have something to do with this?”  
“No, actually. I would watch your back, however, now that we have a wild card Force user running about armed and untrained.” He glared at me.  
“Lockdown the ship bay and don’t try anything. I’ll cover the rest of the base.”  
“I’m not going to betray you, Kylo. Not ever.” He nodded and started to leave. “Snoke, on the other hand…he’s a different story.” Ren froze.  
“Nihla…” he growled. “Don’t. Tell me these things.” His whisper was fainter than air but held more intensity than any of his angry outbursts. I just smirked darkly and he walked away. I went to the ship bay and saw Han, Finn, and Chewy sneaking in. They pointed in my direction but didn’t seem to notice me. I looked down and saw Rey crawling into one of the maintenance tunnels in the bay walls. I realized I still had normal vision and quickly restored my Force sight, locking on to Rey’s signature. Then, I went to meet the boys, who were heading for corridor X10, in the wrong direction.  
“Hi guys.” I snuck up behind them and made them all jump, Finn shooting at me. “Whoa there, superstar!” I caught the blast and deflected it into a Force wall so as not to draw attention.  
“Maker Nihla, don’t do that!”  
“Hey, a good traitor has to look like she’s still doing her job, doesn’t she? Rey is this way. I swear it isn’t a trap.”  
“Just you saying that makes me suspicious,” Han groaned. Chewy agreed and we set off to get Rey. She nearly shot us when we intercepted her.  
“Nih! Thanks for the tip off. That trooper really was a jerk.”  
“No problem. Kylo threw a fit and destroyed the place, but I rubbed it in his face. He hated it.”  
“Does he know?”  
“Yeah, him and Hux too. No one else. You may want to tell these guys, though.” I gestured to the boys.  
“Yeah. Why tell Hux?”  
“He is one of my best friends, apart from you guys and Kylo. I know he would never desert, but once three of us defeat the First Order I may be able to convince him to join our cause. He really isn’t a bad guy at all. He’s just on the wrong side, which of course, depends on where you’re standing.”  
“Well, if you say so.” She then turned to Finn and hugged him, both so happy to see each other. Just friends, hm?  
“Hey, escape now, hug later?” Han smirked and they broke it up awkwardly.  
“So, you guys ready to blow some stuff up? Like, a planet?”  
“Sure are, kid. By the way, what is it we should know?” He raised his eyebrows at Rey and I, making us laugh.  
“I unlocked my memories. We really are sisters.”  
“Really now? So does that mean…”  
“I-I don’t know yet. I haven’t really…sorted through everything yet…”  
“Hm, well, regardless, good for you two. Now let’s go.” We headed for the reactor core and I gave them the code so my prints wouldn’t be on the pad. Can’t be too careful in these situations. I kept watch while they set the charges on the reactor columns. Just as they were finishing, I sensed Kylo and a squadron of troops approaching.  
“We’ve got trouble, hide!” They all took cover and I hid under the main catwalk I had been standing on, disguising my Force signature so Kylo wouldn’t sense me. Everything was silent. They entered, stormtroopers spreading out all around. Ren calmly strode out onto the catwalk, feeling out the room. Han went out after him, calling out.  
“Ben!”  
“No…” I breathed to myself. There were too many troops around. If Kylo caved, they would rat him out to Snoke for sure and he would die. This… wouldn’t end well…  
“Take off that mask. You don’t need it.” Kylo was still, but reached up and removed his helmet, dropping it on the catwalk with a heavy thud. Han’s distress flashed through his eyes when he saw his son’s face.  
“What did you expect to see?”  
“The face of my son.”  
“Your son… is dead. He was weak and foolish like his father. So I destroyed him.” Lies! Ben was alive and clawing to get out right now! Han had to see that.  
“Ben, please. Your mother and I, we… we messed up. We never should have sent you away. We’re sorry. We miss you… come home! We know there is still light in you.” Kylo was silent but tears welled in his eyes.  
“I’m being torn apart. I know what I have to do, but I don’t think I can do it alone. Will you help me?” He stepped forward some and held out his light saber. The sunlight was slowly fading as the Order charged the Starkiller.  
“Of course, anything!” Han closed the distance and put his hands on the saber. For a moment they just stood there, the suspense hanging heavy in the air. I held my breath in the grave-like silence…. then it happened. The sound of Kylo’s saber tore through the air as he drove it into Han’s chest.  
“Thank you.” I watched the light fade from Han’s eyes as I desperately tried not to scream. He touched Ben’s face one last time before crumpling and falling over the edge into the abyss below. Chewy let out an enraged roar shot Kylo’s side, and detonated the charges while Finn and Rey called out in despair from above. I managed to keep still and quiet until Kylo and the troops had left in pursuit of Rey and Finn. Ryntar was waiting for me at the forest’s edge as I had commanded the troops to do. Together, we set off after Ben Solo, following the sound of Finn’s distant screams and lightsabers humming through the air.  
On the way, a massive explosion went off behind me. The core was blown. I felt the planet shudder beneath me and I pushed Ryntar on even faster as he jumped over falling debris and the cracks forming in the ground. We were out of time. When I finally reached them, Finn was facedown with a horrific slash up his back. Rey and Ren were locked in combat on the edge of a collapsing ravine.  
“C’mon Rey… use the Force. Feel it…” I said softly.  
“You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force!” Ren yelled over the roar of the dying planet.  
“The Force….” Rey remembered what she could do and closed her eyes, feeling out and connecting with the Force. She then surged back at Kylo, pushing him away and striking at him relentlessly. Struggling to retreat, he tripped and she took a shot, but he was barely able to block. Rey forced his saber into the ground before cutting it in half and slashing his face. He fell back but before she could do any more the ground between them split and fell away. I ran out to Ben and Rey looked at me with surprise, then sadness.  
Just go! There is no time to waste. Get Finn to the Resistance. They will help you!  
I mentally yelled at her knowing my voice wouldn’t reach across the gap. She hesitated but nodded solemnly, grabbing Finn just as Chewy landed nearby with the Falcon. I watched them for a moment but quickly returned my attention to Ben.  
“You stupid, foolish boy! You… you might die! And Han… that was all wrong. He shouldn’t have done that and you shouldn’t have had to kill him…” I tearfully caressed his head in my lap.  
“N-nihla…. I… I m-messed up….please…. don’t leave…”  
“I won’t. I…” I heard Hux and some guards approaching. “It’s Hux. Ben, I… I’ll come back for you, I promise. I have to go MIA, it’s the only way I can save you. I’m sorry…” I kissed his head softly and quickly stopped his bleeding, leaving his broken saber in his robes so he could fix it. “I love you.” I rode off on Ryntar then, but not before overhearing Hux’s plans.  
“I need him alive. The Supreme Leader is planning on finishing Lord Ren’s training.” Pfassk… I would lose him forever if Snoke got to him first. I made it to my stealth ship and barely escaped the planet in time. I sensed Kylo did too and set course for the Resistance base on D’Qar.  
“I’m coming, Ben. I promise.”


	9. Divided Blood

I arrived at the Resistance base eventually and landed, figuring it didn’t really matter what I wore. I had rifled though many of my memories on the way, confirming that I was indeed Luke’s adopted daughter and Han and Leia were my uncle and aunt. I disembarked in my full sith garb, helmet and all.  
“Freeze! Who… Nihla Ren?!” All guns were trained on me in an instant.  
“Is this really necessary?”  
“Everyone knows how dangerous you are.”  
“Then what makes you think your blasters can stop me? I’m here as an MIA deserter, but if you really want to try and stop me from speaking with your General, fire at will.” Their ranks wavered and I removed the helmet, sending it back into the ship. It really only had a purpose in major battles and when I was trying to portray an inhuman bringer of death, which wasn’t often thankfully.  
“What’s all the commotion? Captain, I… Nihla Ren. To what do we owe the pleasure?” General… Aunt… Organa greeted me acidly.  
“No need for such niceties, General. I don’t intend to stay long. I’m simply here to debrief the Resistance before returning to the Order to free Kylo… Ben… before Snoke destroys him forever. I am also here to do right by my mother.” Her eyes widened.  
“General, I’m….Nihla!!! You made it out!” Rey came running at me and tackled me in a hug, drawing a gasp from many of the onlookers. I hugged her back.  
“Rey! I’m glad you’re safe. How’s Finn?”  
“He’s going to be okay, but currently he is still comatose. I was just about to leave and find Luke.” My face became serious at that.  
“There’s something I need to tell you then, both of you, actually.” Rey nodded and so did the General. “I finished going through the bulk of my memories. I had a feeling for a while, but now I know for sure. Not only are we sisters, but we are Luke’s daughters. Well… you are anyway. I left out my suspicions on Starkiller since it was crazy enough to you that Kylo and I were together.” Leia’s eyes grew wide again in amazement and Rey’s jaw dropped, making me smirk.  
“Waaaaiiitttt…….so, you’re dating our cousin?!” Heh, saw that coming.  
“Yep, there it is. Knew you’d say that. We aren’t blood related, remember? You two are though.” Rey made a weird face and Leia joined in.  
“This… isn’t some trick of the First Order, is it?”  
“No, it’s all true. The Order thinks I am MIA right now so that I can go back and get Ben. But I have less than three days. Also, I need Luke’s… Dad’s… location so I can go to him afterwards. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.” They nodded. I was shown the map to Luke and asked various questions about the state of the Order post-Starkiller. I managed to bargain for Hux’s life and a 20 year sentence in exchange for my allegiance and continued support. I saw Rey off then went on my own way, activating the trackers I had put on the Finalizer and Ben’s shuttle. Both were on Danu-8, not far from Snoke’s planet.  
I hid my ship in an extinct volcano and headed to the temporary base, finding Hux alone and engrossed in a report. I approached him quietly.  
“What’s the problem, General?” He jumped a mile, barely containing a scream.  
“N-Nihla?! Where have you been?!! You have a terrible habit of vanishing in the middle of crises.”  
“Well, lovely to see you too, Armie. Got lost in the blast. Took a while to track you guys down. Where’s Kylo?”  
“Barely alive in Medbay. He won’t be going anywhere for a while. Snoke wanted him for training but we can hardly even keep him breathing as it is.”  
“Take me to him. I know I can heal him, though I need to be alone with him.” Hux nodded.  
“This way.” He led me to a room where Kylo was hooked up to several machines and struggling to breathe. “Leave us.” The Medic droids warily did as the General commanded.  
“Kylo…” I began disconnection the machines.  
“Nihla, are you insane?”  
“Hux, just go. I know what I’m doing, trust me. He’ll be good as new in a few days.” He nodded hesitantly and started to leave.  
“I do trust you… but I often forget why.” I continued to free Ben and soon he was fighting for breath, drawing him out of his coma in somewhat of a panic.  
“N-N-Nih-la?” he said, noticing me.  
“Shut up, jerk.” I placed my hands over his chest and concentrated on closing the perforations in his lungs. With some effort, this was accomplished and his breathing stabilized. “Stupid droids. The more you fought for breath, the worse the perforations became. It’s almost funny how a body will tear itself apart just to keep the heart beating.”  
“Nihla.”  
“Hm?” I met his gaze and was immediately pulled in for a kiss.  
“I wasn’t sure I’d see you again.”  
“I never break my promises. Are you ready to finally leave all this behind?”  
“What?”  
“Leave the Order and come with me. We can fake our deaths and run away. Why do you think I’m not wearing my Sith robes? We can reunite our family and, even if we don’t stay, we can finish this war the right way.”  
“How can I face her?”  
“How can I face Luke? We have to own up to everything eventually, so we may as well do it on our terms and try to do right by our wrongs, as best we can. That was my motivation for leaving in the first place.”  
“Even if we fake our deaths, how do you plan to sneak out?”  
“That’s easy. I see they fixed your saber.” I walked over to the communications pad. “I need two troopers in Medbay Room 247, immediately.”  
“What? Why do you…” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Ohhh… got it. Why didn’t I think of that?” The troops arrived and I took hold of their minds.  
“Kill her, as if you were killing me in a fit of madness.” He did, slashing a deep wound across her body and swinging back across her throat. I damaged the male trooper so his wounds matched Kylo’s, then used a combination of the Force and various drugs and technology to make the two troops our clones. “You’ll have to leave your saber to make it convincing…” He nodded grimly and left it behind. Donning their armor, we set off to find Hux or Phasma, preferably the former. “Try not to sound like yourself and know your number, ok?” We found Hux in a makeshift office.  
“Sir, we have a situation. Lord Ren and the Dark Lady are dead, sir.”  
“What?! That’s impossible!”  
“It seems when she disconnected the machines he turned on her in a fit of madness and killed her. By the time we got there we couldn’t save him in time and he died from the exertion and his wounds.”  
“Damn that fool! The Supreme Leader will certainly have my head over this… You’re dismissed.” He ran off to the room and we marched away, leaving through the main doors before changing course for my ship.  
“Nice parking spot, sweetheart.”  
“Very funny, Ben. It’s not like I could have landed outside the front door. We would never have been able to leave.”  
“Fair point. How’s your sister?”  
“Good. She left to find Dad while I came to get you.” We took off and left unnoticed. “I’m taking you to the crystal caves on Kyber. You’ll need a new saber. It’s also a good place to clear your mind and reconcile your thoughts.”  
“Alright. So, the crystal will choose me this time, right?”  
“Yep.”  
“What’s with all the blood and medical stuff in your bay?”  
“Oh, uh… I had some nasty shrapnel wounds from the planet exploding and I had to fix myself up.”  
“With that much blood it’s hard to believe you were able to fix yourself.”  
“I’ve felt worse. Some of the wounds from our training bouts were far worse because they lingered. Shrapnel is really bloody but heals quick.”  
“I know when you’re lying, but as long as it doesn’t involve me I don’t care.” He smiled halfheartedly at me.  
“Yeah…right. Ok.”  
“It doesn’t involve me, does it?”  
“Um… not exactly. But, I can’t really explain it right now. Not yet. It involves everyone to some extent…” A sadness grew in his eyes, along with pain, fear, pity, and distress.  
“…When are you going to start trusting me?” he said softly. “What more must I do? I’ve fought back the darkness, I’m trying to make up for my wrongs, I’ve never turned my back on you without cause!” His voice rose with each word, tears welling in his eyes. “I love you more than anything in the universe. How, how do I prove to you that you can trust me?” I was stunned silent by his outburst.  
“Ben… I…”  
“Don’t. Lie. To. Me.” I took a deep breath.  
“I don’t mistrust you, Ben. That’s not why I keep secrets from you. Some things are better revealed in time, is all. And this time… this time I’m waiting until I see all the darkness truly leave your heart. I’m waiting for all your indecision to fade away, for all the questions about right and wrong to vanish. When that happens, I will have no more secrets to keep, from you or from anyone.” Now it was his turn to be silent. His eyes widened as he realized just how close the darkness still was, and how far he had to go.  
“I…didn’t realized just how much I am teetering on the edge of a knife. It feels so different…”  
“It’s alright. You have every right to question me. You’ll get there soon enough.” I gently squeezed his hand. “We’ll get through this together.” After that we flew on in silence until we landed on Kyber. I led him to the mouth of the cave and opened it for the day. “You’ll find your crystal in there somewhere. Good luck. Focus on who you are trying to be.”  
“I will.” He entered the caves, leaving me alone on the silent planet. I cleaned up my ship and found a spot to meditate, going through even more of my memories, both happy and sad. All the little pieces fell into place as I remembered my Aunt and Uncle, Mom and Dad. I remembered playing in the Falcon while Uncle Han and Uncle Chewy fixed something or other. I remembered playing with Rey at our home on Gatalenta. So much joy and warmth came back to me that the light within me grew stronger, to the point of shattering the darkness shrouding my vision and pushing me out of my trance. I opened my eyes to see Ben standing before me. His hair was blowing softly in the wind and the setting sun cast a soft light across his face.  
“Hey.”  
“Hi…did you find a crystal?”  
“Yeah.” He stared at me with a gentle intensity. I glanced around, noticing that the sunset made the cave glow orange and seem to have a waterfall of fire covering it. The surrounding temple turned red and gold, with spots of cool green from the flora.  
“This place… is really beautiful, isn’t it?” I blushed lightly, remembering how close he was to me.  
“Mm, so, I make you blush now, do I? Heh… cute.” He softly caressed my face and knelt down before me.  
“W-well, no! I just… it’s because…uh, I mean…” He silenced me with a kiss, gentle, but filled with an unmistakable burning passion and vicious desire.  
“B-Ben…here? Now?” I was really blushing now.  
“Hm, why not? I love you. Consider it my way of saying thank you.” A beautifully evil smile formed on his face and I felt myself grow breathless with embarrassment. My willpower was stolen from me in an instant and he swept me up, carrying me into the ruins. We calmed the fires in our hearts and blissfully drifted off, surrounded by the Force flowing all though the planet.  
The next day, we left for the Resistance, arriving at the base around noon. Leia greeted me with a warm hug when I landed, but quickly released me once Ben stepped out behind me.  
“Ben? Is that… really you?” He smirked, unsure of himself.  
“Hello…mother. Yeah… it’s really me…” The air was tense for a moment before Leia flew to him as only a mother could and embraced him, surprising everyone. Shocked, he hesitantly returned the gesture, eventually breaking and holding her just as tightly with tears forming in his eyes. No words were necessary as they felt each other’s pain, love, confusion, sadness, and relief. While they reconnected, I spotted a weary Finn off to the side and made my way over to him.  
“Finn!”  
“Huh…? Nihla!” He greeted me with a cheery hug.  
“How are you? Can’t let any more family go dying on me now.”  
“I’m recovering all right, but I really miss Rey. I didn’t even get to tell her goodbye. What’s he doing here?” He gestured towards Ben.  
“I brought him home, like I promised. Saved him from himself too. Leia’s bound to give him a full pardon.”  
“That murderer…I’ll never forgive him.”  
“No Finn, you… you don’t understand yet, but you will. He’s on our side now, I guarantee it.” He sighed.  
“Huhhh, if you say so. But I don’t like it.”  
“Didn’t say you had to.”  
“Hey, Nihla!” Ben called me over. It made me so happy to see him this content. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this. He pulled me close to him and addressed Leia.  
“Mom, I want to redeem myself and earn my place in our family. Nih wants to find her dad and I intend to accompany her, being that she’s the reason I’m even here at all. Will you let me do that?” Leia smiled.  
“Ben, as much as my colleagues will disagree with me, you are free to do as you wish. I know from raising you I can’t exactly stop you anyway. If you truly are with us, all I ask is that you fight with us when the time comes. With the three of you, we will be unstoppable.”  
“And you’ll spare Hux?” I piped in, making sure my friend would survive.  
“Yes, but we will imprison him for his crimes against the Republic.” She sighed.  
“That’s fair, as long as he is alive.”  
“I still don’t know what you see in him.” Ben shook his head quizzically.  
“You don’t know him like I do.” His eyes widened.  
“I wouldn’t want to.” He shuddered.  
“Hey!” I smacked his arm. “That’s not what I meant. His heart is in the right place, you know. He doesn’t trust the worlds and really thinks the galaxy is better off under imperialistic rule. Can you blame him? I don’t think anyone can argue that while the Empire was by no means good, it was effective.” Both Ben and Leia were silent at that.  
“I suppose you’re right. The Republic created just as much of a mess as the Empire did. I guess I never saw it like that.” He shook his head again, baffled at the realization.  
“Yeah, most people don’t. Should we retire? You can stay with me.” A glint flashed through his eyes accompanied by a brief smirk.  
“I think I’d like that.” Leia nodded at us with a soft smile. With the end of our long road in sight, we headed to my quarters. I had various saber parts there so Ben could finish his new weapon in peace. Turning to him, I brought our heads together and his hands naturally found my waist.  
“I have everything you’ll need to make your saber. You go ahead and finish that before any more… distractions.”  
“Mmm, and yet you tempt me like this, don’t you?”  
“No…” I whispered, slipping away from him and backing into the bedroom. “Go on. I can wait.” I closed the door and changed into my sleepwear, hearing a chuckle on the other side of the door.  
“Maker I love you, but I hate what you do to me…” His footstep faded away and I smiled. Everything would be okay now, I just knew it.


	10. End Game

The sound of a door opening stirred me from my dreams and I felt a pair of smooth arms snake around me.  
“Mmm, are you done, my love?”  
“Do you think I’d be here if I wasn’t?”  
“Yes. You’re sneaky like that…” I said, kissing him softly. “Show me.” He got up slowly, walking to one of the shelves. Ben really was a gorgeous creature. I sat up as he turned back to me, the new blade in his hands.  
“It’s charged with my light… as much of it as I could channel…” With that, he ignited it, surprising me when it became double sided and was a dark magenta, nearly as red as his old saber. “It seems my energy is still quite dark, though…” I thought about that for a minute.  
“No, I don’t think that’s it. Purple blades are notorious for belonging to those who are morally ambiguous and willing to do almost anything to reach an end. I’d say you fall in that category for sure. Then red, while usually the result of the synthetic crystals and rarely natural, is highly indicative of a violent or temperamental nature and or a capacity for such violence, which is also you. Based on that I’d say the color suits you perfectly.”

“Where do you learn all this stuff, hm?” He smiled softly, sheathing his blade and sitting next to me, his hand resting on mine.  
“Oh, you know, hacking the restricted archives on Starkiller, the Finalizer, exploring old ruins and such. You just have to know where to look and who to talk to.”  
“Mmhm…well, maybe you can teach me all this someday,” he whispered, pulling me down against him. “You also have to teach me how to use a saberstaff.”  
“Don’t worry, I’ll show you everything you need to know. We will be unstoppable. And when Rey returns, well, the First Order would be as good as finished at that point.” I smiled softly.  
“…I want Snoke.” His voice was completely serious, and I’m sure his face was too. I sat up and looked at him.  
“Ben…I know how much you despise him, truly, but could you handle his attacks? The mental ones I mean. Look what happened when I attacked you and that was only a fraction of what he’s done to me. You shattered. I…I don’t want to lose you again, after everything that has happened.”  
“I know, I know. I agree and have been thinking about that too, but you saw what he turned me into. What he made me do. I left my family, abandoned you, and murdered my father…all for him! I couldn’t live with myself if he doesn’t die by my hands.”  
“But isn’t justice better than vengeance? He did the same thing to me, Ben. As long as he ends up dead it will all be okay.”  
“Nih…I have to avenge my father. And since it wouldn’t do any good to kill myself, I should kill the one who started it all in the first place.” We were silent for a while, his dark eyes piercing my own, begging, hoping, and pleading for approval. I sighed.  
“Okay, he’s yours. But I’m not letting you take him alone. You get to finish what we start together. I can distract him and keep his mental attacks focused on me while you do most of the fighting, deal?” He sighed in relief.  
“Yes, yes it’s a deal. Thank you. Thank you so much.” He hugged me tightly and kissed me over and over until we were both laughing for no reason. “Love you, Nih.”  
“Love you too.” We snuggled close and fell asleep, more relaxed than we could remember being in a long time.  
Two weeks later, we were walking down the airfield towards my ship, on our way to find my father. On the way, Ben dropped off to do something last-minute.  
“FN… sorry, Finn. You have the item?”  
“Right here man. You owe me big-time, Solo. This wasn’t easy to get my hands on.”  
“Believe me, I know. Name your price.”  
“1000 credits, a rigged fight where I beat you, and you better take care of Nihla. She’s our family too, you know.” Ben grimaced.  
“…Fine. Honestly, letting you beat me is the worst part. What about a straight fight? No Force and such. Then the victor wins legitimately and it’s all more meaningful.”  
“Damn, she really has changed you, hasn’t she? Alright, that’s fair I guess. Clean fight, when you get back.”  
“Deal.” They shook hands in something close to acceptance of one another and Ben met everyone at the ship. Nihla smirked.  
“You and Finn friends now?”  
“Not exactly… are we ready to go?”  
“Yeah, all set.”  
“Take care, both of you.” Leia smiled at us and gave us each hugs. Ben seemed a bit emotional.  
“You know, I never saw myself having to say goodbye to you again, Mom.”  
“Well, it isn’t really goodbye this time, thankfully. Come back safe, and bring your better halves back with you!” She smirked, alluding to Dad and Rey.  
“Haha, we will.” We then boarded the ship and gave everyone a final wave as we flew off. After several hours, we were on course for the first Jedi temple.  
“Hey, Nih… what did you mean when you said Snoke did the same thing to you, when we were talking about killing him and such? It occurred to me that as far as I know I did much worse than you. You were more specialized and didn’t even choose this path in the first place.”  
“Oh…right, I never told you, did I? That day I attacked you I finished unlocking my memories and found out why there is such a dark place in my mind. I told Hux while I tried to avoid you for a bit. You know that mission early in our work where I had to get information from a woman on Corellia?”  
“Uh, yeah, vaguely. The messy one? We didn’t get much from it, did we?”  
“No, nothing actually. And yeah, I had orders to destroy her as brutally as possible. So I did, thinking she was some highly valuable Resistance or New Republic individual.”  
“Ok, so what’s that got to do with your mind pit, other than how messed up it all was?”  
“I figured out that Snoke sent me to do that because the woman was my mother, but of course, I didn’t know that. So he made me a murderer too. If you think about it, family murders run in our family, unfortunately.”  
“Really? That’s…well, horrific. Worse than me by far. I just killed my father…you though, you destroyed her in every way possible, then killed her….all while she begged for you to stop, I imagine?”  
“…Yes. She knew me, but I could never figure out why. It always bothered me. That and I never knew why that mission had always felt so wrong to me.”  
“How are you so calm about this? I can barely stand myself as it is, but if I had your problem… well I probably wouldn’t even be here.”  
“I have to accept that I, the real me, didn’t and never would have done such a thing, and that the me that killed her was not her daughter. Therefore, I cannot entirely blame myself and I can do everything in my power to avenge her. That’s part of the reason I want a hand in Snoke’s death.”  
“I understand. I should have asked sooner, but I kept forgetting in the midst of everything.”  
“It’s alright. You know now, which is one less thing you have to learn.” He smiled and we were generally quiet for the rest of the journey, retiring after a while and arriving around noon the next day. When we landed, we climbed the Jedi steps to a clearing, where we heard a saber’s hum coming from an alcove nearby. At the entrance, I paused, having Ben wait while I broke the ice.  
I quietly entered the alcove, coming face to face with Luke and standing behind Rey. When he saw me, he stood at the ready and looked at me suspiciously. This made Rey curious so she turned around, only to drop her saber when she saw me.  
“Nihla!!” She ran and hugged me, a smile breaking out across my face. I gave her a huge hug as well, laughing at her enthusiasm. “I wasn’t sure you’d make it back. Did you… succeed? Is he on our side? And how’s Finn? And General Organa…after everything…..”  
“Hehe, easy there, sis. Yes, I succeeded, yes he’s on our side, Finn misses you and Leia is coping quite well, especially with him home. Anything else?”  
“Er, no, not at the moment. That’s all…great, I guess. You can’t blame me for being skeptical. I won’t believe he’s changed until I see it for myself. I…”  
“Ahem, pardon an old man’s interruption, but who are you and why are you here?” Luke finally butted in after watching our exchange with deep interest.  
“Hm, both excellent questions. Most know me as Nihla Ren, the most dangerous of the Knights of Ren, but my friends and family know I really am Nihla Skywalker and I am a master of the light and the dark, equally. I believe it had been quite some time since we last met, father.” A complicated expression of shock, suspicion, and a hint of hope took over his face.  
“That’s impossible...my eldest was killed by my traitorous nephew along with all my other padawans. She would have sought me out otherwise.”  
“Unless she had no memory of you. You can’t look for someone you don’t know exists.” Realization dawned on him.  
“So…it’s really true then? But how? Why can you remember now?”  
“Snoke hid my memories from me with a mind block. I recently undid it after Rey started to trigger memories.” Tears welled in his eyes as he stepped closer.  
“Wait…who is with you? I sense a…familiar energy. But, I can’t place it…”  
“That’s your cue, babe.” Ben slowly came around the corner before quickly moving behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder. My father’s face grew dark as he moved to draw his saber.  
“No, don’t! It’s okay, Dad.” Rey jumped in, further confusing him. “It is okay, right, Nih?”  
“What do you mean, ‘don’t’? Are you not aware of the atrocities this boy has committed?”  
“We are, and Nih has done equally terrible things but she was able to show him the path back.”  
“That’s right. Between my love, Leia’s acceptance, and other… unsavory events, he has come back to us and now the two of us plan to kill Snoke for everything he did to us.”  
“Prove it.”  
“Uncle,” Ben stepped in, moving slightly in front of me. “You said my energy was familiar, yet you couldn’t recognize it. Why? What was different?” This made him think for a moment.  
“Hm, your energy was…bright. And happy, like I’ve never seen it before. There were no traces of the corrupted boy that betrayed me all those years ago. What brought that about?”  
“Nih. And Mom. And the desire to do justice to my father and repair the damage I so foolishly caused. Though, if Nihla hadn’t come back for me and faked our deaths Snoke would have me still and would have destroyed me forever. I know words are nothing next to my actions, but I truly am sorry for betraying you, running away, hunting, and hating you all these years. And Rey, I also owe you an apology for chasing you from your home and nearly killing you. I hope we can become more like family and less like enemies.” Rey gave a pleased and approving nod.  
“Well, apology accepted, Ben! Glad to see Nih’s hard work paid off. However, I’m not letting you live down how you were beaten by an untrained girl in the dead of night on a collapsing planet.”  
“Ugh, y-you got lucky. I was… distracted. Your sister always beat me in that situation too, though she rarely wins when I’m focused, despite being more skilled.”  
“Mmhm, sure. I guess we will just have to have a rematch then.”  
“Heh, I suppose so.” They both grinned and Dad surprised us by starting to laugh.  
“You certainly aren’t my nephew, Ben Solo, but I think you are what he should have been. I commend you for that. I’ll have my eye on you, but I believe you will prove to be a great man.” They shook hands in mutual respect. “Now, Rey, I do believe you have some training to continue.”  
“Alright… you’re staying, right, Nih?”  
“Of course! That is, if Dad is okay with it.”  
“I don’t have anywhere for you to stay at the moment, but I’m certain Chewy and the droids can prepare some rooms.”  
“We just need one, unless that makes you uncomfortable.” Rey made some sort of disgusted sound, making me roll my eyes. “Oh grow up sis. You’ll do this too someday.” Dad raised his eyebrows.  
“Well, I’ll have them make up a room for you two then. Just try not to be… obnoxious. I should have expected you would be together. After all, as teenagers the two of you were constantly flirting and training together. You were the only one who could make him smile.” We grinned sheepishly at each other. Leave it to parents to make things awkward. Rey even giggled.  
“Oh, just you wait till he meets Finn, sis. You’ll get your share of dad encounters.”  
“W-what?! What do you mean? Finn and I… we aren’t…we are certainly not…a, uh…well anything!” I laughed at her frustration.  
“Ah, that right there proves you wrong. Just accept it, Rey. That boy adores you and you’re starting to like him too. You guys are adorable together.” This got another chuckle out of Dad, which seemed to be a difficult thing to do. After all that, Rey went back to training while Ben and I wandered the island. In our exploration, we happened upon some stable pillars on a cliff overlooking the sea, which gave me an idea.  
“Hey, Ben, how would you like to learn to use that saber of yours?” He followed my gaze to the pillars.  
“On those? You must be insane.”  
“You’re talking to the girl that trained with blackout bolts on the hardest setting while being severely exhausted. I just think people tend to learn twice as fast in perilous situations.” I leapt up onto a pillar. “Come on, I won’t let you die.” He shook his head and ascended the pillar opposite me. We started with the first lightsaber form, Shii-Cho, to establish how to use the double blades then moved into form two, Makashi, dueling, trading blows and parries while maintaining our balance on the pillars.  
We glossed over Soresu, which just focused on defense before working Ben’s favorite forms, Ataru and Shien, which were naturally more aggressive and powerful. I was better at Ataru’s speedy and agile attacks while his strength lent his skills to Shien. Djem So was more or less Shien so we spent very little time on it, instead focusing on my favorite form, Niman. This challenged him as the form required extraordinary focus and balanced skill. It did, however, favor double-bladed combat so he had a slight boost in his favor. Juyo, the most aggressive and sith-like of all the forms was challenging for both of us so we chose to spend the most time on it. Its combination of agility, strength, and fluidity nearly knocked us off our pillars if either of us put a bit too much force into an attack or defended with too little. By the time night fell, we had significantly improved our Juyo and Ben was well versed with his saber.  
“You two have become extraordinarily skilled. The sheer stamina required to train as long and intensely as you just have is hard to find and even harder to acquire. You are both masters of the saber, no doubt, but do your skills with the Force equal that with your weapons?” I vaguely recalled my father’s arrival earlier in our Juyo training.  
“My skills in the Force surpass those of Snoke’s. Ben is more emotional, but I am helping him refine his attacks and defenses. He’s already improved dramatically.”  
“Except when you ravage my mind…” he said with bitter distaste.  
“I only did that once and it was a mistake I swore to never repeat.”  
“Doesn’t change the fact that is happened.”  
“Mental Force attacks are by far the most dangerous and deadly, especially when used without hindrance. You should both be careful in that realm. If not properly controlled, you could make someone go mad, or even kill them.”  
“We know, I learned that the hard way with him. Almost destroyed him.” I gestured to Ben who nodded solemnly.  
“Alright, well enough lecturing then. Dinner is ready and so are your quarters.” He started walking and I followed until I realized Ben wasn’t with us. I stopped just in time to hear him take a deep breath.  
“Nihla Skywalker!” he yelled as I turned around in confusion.  
“Uhmm…yeah, Ben? What’s wrong?” He approached me forcefully and almost angrily, stopping just inches short of me and staring at me for what felt like an eternity. What he did next baffled me. Dropping to one knee and never once taking his eyes from mine, he drew a small velvet box from his pocket. Opening it, he revealed a simple yet elegant ring of electrum with intertwined red and white kyber crystals and obsidian running through the center of the band. A masterpiece of the Force, the ring was unlike any I’d ever seen.  
“Nihla, will you marry me?” My attention was brought back to his unwavering gaze. “Please.”  
“Ben…” I was speechless for a moment. “I… y-yes! Yes, yes, yes!” I threw myself at him, hugging him, kissing him, and nearly knocking us over. “Maker I love you! You crazy, sly Solo!” We burst out laughing, pausing for a moment so he could put the ring on my finger.  
“Ahem, although we just reconnected today, isn’t there something you should say to me, Benjamin?” Of course Dad had to get involved. Standing us up, Ben looked at him earnestly.  
“Uncle, may I have your permission to marry Nihla? I’ve never been happier than when she is with me and I can’t imagine a life without her by my side.” Dad eyes him thoughtfully, looking between us for a bit. Eventually, a smirk formed on his lips and he shook his head in disbelief.  
“What a day this has been. I suppose I can’t say no to such and obvious, and longstanding, I might add, love, now can I?” We smiled and I instinctively ran and hugged him, catching him off guard at first before he warmly returned the gesture. “Oh, Nihla, it is so good to have you back. You may not be my daughter by birth, but you were my whole world for a long time and not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you. I love you, kiddo.”  
“I love you too, Dad,” I whispered, tears welling in my eyes. “I’m so glad our families are back together.”  
“As am I.” A few tears played at the edges of his eyes as well. “But, nephew, I must ask: where did you plan to have this wedding? There are few places befitting such an event that are not crawling with First Order sympathizers.”  
“Oddly, I was thinking Kashyyk or Endor. I understand Wookie and the Ewoks love my mother. Of course, the final decision is Nihla’s.”  
“Heh, I actually like the idea of being married on Kashyyk. I’ve always been fond of the Wookies.”  
“Well, that was easy,” Ben said with a smile.  
“Are there no First Order bases there?”  
“Surprisingly, there aren’t. Even Hux knows better than to risk the Wookies getting a hold of a base as they are open supporters of the Resistance. Aside from the occasional recon sweep or trade interaction they have as little to do with the place as possible. Same with Endor.”  
“You two have incredible luck, you know that? Always have.” We finally arrived at the main shelter where Rey and Chewy were waiting with food.  
“Gosh, what took you guys so long? Thought I was going to have to hunt you down!”  
“Ben proposed to your sister so we were held up discussing details.” Dad casually told Rey what had happened.  
“What?! And you couldn’t have waited until we were all present to do this? Maker, Kylo…I mean Ben… what….ugh, congrats. I suppose I should be happy for you shouldn’t I?” She had a baffled grin on her face. “Really didn’t expect that…wow.” We all had a nice dinner and worked out other details for the ceremony. We also discussed our stay and whether or not Rey and Dad would return with us.  
“In another month or so I feel your sister will be ready to rejoin the Resistance. Until then, you are welcome to stay and train as well. I’m sure there are still a few tricks you two can learn, even from an old master.”  
“Of course, Dad. We will stay until you are ready. We have a lot of Form VII and control work to do anyway. Those pillars are great to train on.” After that, we retired, Rey giving us both big hugs and congratulating us again. Reaching our quaint quarters, Ben and I got settled, cuddling on the bed. I pecked his cheek, making him blush slightly and nuzzle into my neck.  
“I love you,” he whispered.  
“I love you too,” I replied, stroking his hair. It was always so soft. I noticed he was crying though. “What’s the matter?”  
“Honestly? Nothing. I just feel like all this is a dream too good to be true and I keep looking over my shoulder, waiting for it to all come crashing down. And…I miss my dad. I wish I could just snap my fingers and bring him back. But I do know for sure how damn lucky I am to have you.”  
“Aw, well I’m never going anywhere so you go ahead and fall apart if you need to. I’ll pick up the pieces and put you back together again.” I gently wiped his tears away and kissed him softly. He nodded and held me tight, fading off to sleep. Everything would be right soon. Snoke was going to pay dearly for his crimes.


	11. Finalized

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the final chapter! I apologize for its length, but every word is worth it :) I hope you enjoy and please let me know in the comments what you thought! Its my first fully complete, full length fanfic and I hope it was enjoyable. Thanks for reading!

We came in for landing with the Falcon right behind us. A crowd had gathered on the field, waiting for us to disembark. When I stepped out, I was tackled by Finn and Poe while Aunt Leia laughed. However, they, particularly Finn, rapidly moved on to Rey when she arrived. Leia paused when Luke appeared, receiving many cheers from the crowd. After greeting everyone, he came over to he and smiled.  
“Leia.”  
“Luke.” Tears welled in her eyes as they embraced each other, reuniting after who knew how long. “It’s so good to see you.”  
“You look well. Is everything going good?”  
“Yes. We have actually made extensive progress and developed a plan to end this war. But that isn’t important right now. How are you? And Rey…”  
“I’m great, Aunt Leia. Training went brilliantly.” Rey came over with her arms over the boys’ shoulders.  
“Excellent! I can’t believe how our luck has turned. Four Jedi…”  
“And Ben and Nih got engaged,” she casually stated.  
“Wait, what?” She turned to us quizzically. “You did?” We nodded and I held up my ring.  
“Leave it to siblings to drop bombshells,” I laughed, making Rey roll he eyes.  
“Hm, well, that truly is wonderful. I’m happy for both of you. Let’s retire and get everyone settled.” We all followed her to the executive quarters where our rooms were. Ben, Rey, Finn, Poe, and myself all went to my lounge to relax and catch up while Leia debriefed Luke. Finn and Rey took the loveseat while Poe bounced off the walls, too excited to sit down. Ben pulled me down onto his lap on one of the chairs.  
“Gosh, Nihla, you really are something else, aren’t ya?” Poe grinned at me.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Do you realize what all you’ve done? Just in the past few months you have deserted the First Order, saved the General’s son, evaded Snoke, brought Luke back, and reunited the entire Solo-Skywalker family that had been scattered across the galaxy, all while having a love life, regaining your memories, slaying your personal demons, being a bad ass, and now getting married! It’s outrageous but awesome!” I glanced over at everyone.  
“Well, when you put it that way, I guess it is pretty formidable.”  
“I’m just glad you brought Rey back before any years had passed. That would have been awful.” We all looked at Finn with raised eyebrows.  
“What? You know, I…uh…didn’t get to say goodbye, so…yeah. No fun, man.”  
“You are a horrible liar, Finny. Although, my naïve sister always seems to believe you. Gotta be careful with her.”  
“Wha… no, I’m not…hang on, what are you… are you suggesting…”  
“Oh, spit it out man. It’s so obvious.” Ben chimed in.  
“Wha...what? I…um…” he tried to glance at Rey, who was looking at him shyly, but faltered and looked back at the ground. Poe laughed and started a chant.  
“Con-fess-ion. Con-fess-ion. Con-fess-ion!” Ben and I joined in, laughing.  
“Alright, alright, alright! Will you guys stop? Maker you all are the worst.” We stopped our chant and looked at him expectantly, making him nervously clear his throat. “Well, Rey, I just…uhm…” he sighed. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. The first time I saw you, you were fighting off all those other guys on Jakku, singlehandedly. Then you saved our skins, defeated Ren, and became a Jedi! All I can do is be in complete awe of you. You’re so strong, capable, intelligent, and…and beautiful too. So… I guess I’ve gotta ask….would you, uh…be my…girlfriend?” All our eyes shifted to the deeply blushing Rey, who met our gazes snappily.  
“Oh come on, do you have to stare like that?!” She turned back to Finn and gently took his hand. “Well, I know I’ll never hear the end of it if I say no, and yes means I’ll have ‘I told you so’s’ hitting me from all angles, but none of that matters, because, Finn, I will happily be your girlfriend.” I stifled a laugh, making her round on me. “But you can’t say a bloody thing for at least twenty-four hours!”  
“Okay, okay, hehehe!” She rolled her eyes and laughed. Poe was pouting however, making me curious. “What’s wrong, Skyguy?”  
“You two are too fluffy, man. I was hoping Finny boy would pull a smooth move card or man up and give the “I’m good with the ladies, so will you go out with me” speech. But nooo, he blubbered his way through like a lovesick puppy! Gah, it’s like watching a sappy movie in slo-mo…” We all laughed at Poe’s disgusted face. He really was a smooth operator with the girls so I can see why he was grossed out. The two really always were goo balls around each other. Quite different from Ben and I.  
“Yeah, well, how did you ask Nih out, Ben? I don’t think there are many other ways to do it when you really like someone.” Ben thought about that for a moment.  
“Well, I….huh….um…”  
“Heh, honestly he basically yelled at me that he loved me and was being super jealous and angry about me being with Hux. I don’t think you ever officially asked me out. The way you proposed was certainly unconventional though.” He blushed.  
“Yeah, I kinda yelled that at you too.”  
“Kinda. But you were actually pretty sexy about it.” I smiled and pecked his cheek, making Rey gag.  
“Ewww, get a room!”  
“Hey, you’re next, sister. Get over it. Besides, you guys are in our room.” After that we continued to catch up until dinner, where we discussed our battle plans.  
“In one month, we will make our move on Snoke. We managed to track down his location thanks to your friend, Hux. I plan to stage small squadrons all around Snoke’s position while you four locate him and shield our forces from his force powers, that way we can surprise him.”  
“The Supreme Leader won’t have much of an army with him. A small squad of guards at most. The real fight is on Danu-8. Ben and I can handle him.”  
“Are you mad? He is singlehandedly more powerful than the entire Resistance…” Luke exclaimed.  
“…and I am singlehandedly more powerful than he is. And Ben isn’t far behind. He must be ours. We deserve that much vengeance.”  
“I was afraid you two would say that,” Leia looked at us with sad, knowing eyes. “But I have no power to stop you. You will take out Snoke with a small back up squadron while I lead the attack on Danu-8 with Luke and Rey. When you finish with Snoke, rendezvous with us on the battlefield. Two force users are enough to stop the Order but four will finish them for good.” We all nodded, solidifying our plan.  
“We should get married the week prior then, so we can face Snoke as one.” Ben was very serious and I nodded in agreement.  
“Very well, we will make plans to go to Kashyyk then. Who do you want there?”  
“You, Uncle Luke, Finn, Rey, Poe, BB-8, C3-PO, R2, and Uncle Chewy. No one else, right Nih?” I nodded.  
“Great. We can all fit on the Falcon, then. I’ll arrange the trip. In the meantime, do whatever you need to in order to prepare for both the battle and the wedding.” We agreed and everyone retired for the evening.  
Two weeks later, we headed to Kashyyk, where we spent most of the week setting up the location and visiting with the Wookies. The place was beautiful, lush and green with white flowers everywhere. The ground for the aisle had been covered with white petals as well, making it look like snow. It led out of an old castle and went through a clearing before reaching a bridge that led to the altar. The Wookies had woven a beautiful arch from branches with traditional symbols in it. Our cake has a heart of branches over two white birds that symbolized us. The whole place was breathtaking.

 

 

I went off to make my dress, modeling it after my Sith robes and also doing my hair. Rey was my bridesmaid and Finn was best man. Chewy had arranged for the Wookie chieftain to wed us while everyone else watched and Dad gave me away. Rey braided my hair in a circlet around my head, tucking small, native flowers into it. I wore a head piece that shimmered in the light. She was wearing a sage green dress with her hair back in some sort of twisted triple braid. She was stunning and Finn’s mouth dropped when he came to get us.

“Well, I’m supposed to be picking up two warriors, but all I see are two princesses. What have you done with my friends?” We all laughed. Linking arms, we met up with Dad outside the castle.  
“Wow, don’t you look beautiful. Your mother would have been proud.” I smiled, almost tearing up. We proceeded to walk to the ceremony, Dad and I in front with Rey and Finn behind. As we came in sight of the altar, everyone stood. Several of the Wookies who had helped us were also in attendance and began singing a Wookie union march, which had an airy beauty to it.   
Ben was wearing a black suit and white button up, perfectly contrasting my dress. It was probably the nicest thing he had ever worn, but he looked amazing. Dad handed me off to him with tears in his eyes and everyone sat down, the ceremony commencing.

After we said our vows, the chieftain asked if there were any objections. Everyone was quiet, but just as he was about to resume, someone spoke.  
“Hey, I’ve got an objection. Why didn’t I get a fancy invite, eh?” Everyone turned around and gasped, and I smiled before turning as well.  
“D-D-Dad?!” Ben literally rubbed his eyes and struggled to speak. Han strutted down the aisle to us, squaring up to him.  
“Well, Benjamin, looks like your old man still has a few tricks up his sleeve, eh?”  
“But… how? You fell… I… it’s impossible…”  
“Why don’t you ask this girl here, hm?” He smiled at me and I grinned, giving him a hug. Ben looked at me, bewildered.  
“This…this is what you were talking about after you rescued me, isn’t it? The secret involving everyone?” I nodded. Han then took his son’s shoulder and pulled him into a hug, surprising Ben, who tentatively hugged him back.  
“You’re okay, kid. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, but I am here now, so let’s finish this, eh?” He let go and smirked, moving to sit with Luke and Leia who were both in shock. She teared up as he sat down and the chieftain concluded the ceremony with the presentation of rings. Evidently Ben had an eye for jewelry because the matching rings he picked were beautiful.

We were pronounced husband and wife and Ben turned to me, kissing me lovingly while everyone else broke out in tears. We laughed and hugged. Rey caught my bouquet with a blush. Later that night we were all celebrating and I explained to everyone how I pulled Han out of the reactor and saved him.  
“I can’t believe you.” Ben shook his head at me.  
“What?”  
“Since when can you resurrect the dead?”  
“Only the newly dead, and since Snoke couldn’t break me. After that I delved into the darkest parts of the dark side and learned how to bring souls back before they become part of the Force. If you repair the body then reconnect the soul fast enough, you can bring anyone back. It’s a Sith master thing.”  
“Hm, will you teach me? When I’m ready? I want to balance the dark and the light, like you.”  
“Of course. I have no secrets now.” His eyes widened when he realized what that meant.  
“So you mean… I did it?” I nodded. He smiled gleefully and kissed me, wrapping me up in his arms. “Well then, shall we depart, Mrs. Solo?” I smiled happily.  
“Yes, I think so.” Two days later we arrived back at the Resistance base and prepared for battle. Ben and I left two days ahead with our troops in order to reach Snoke at the same time the army reached Danu-8. On the way, we discussed tactics for killing him.  
“You know, what is he just…submits? Like a guilt trip. The ‘are you really going to kill a defenseless old man’ thing. What then?” Ben pondered this aloud.  
“We say yes.” He met my gaze and nodded. That was probably exactly what he would do. We arrived at his planet theoretically undetected, but who knows what hidden traps he may have had. As we approached his temple, the doors opened for us.  
“Well, guess he knows we are here.” With that, we headed inside, using our sabers for light and probing the darkness with the Force. We reached his chamber unmolested and prepared ourselves before entering. He was waiting, sitting on his throne with his hands folded. He was no bigger than Ben and much less intimidating in person, but far more deadly.  
“So, my dead protégés have come to slay me. How ironic.”  
“Why let us in so easily?” I coldly stared at him.  
“I need you at your best if I want a good fight.”  
“And yet you will not fight. That is the ironic part, I think.”  
“Do it, then.” He locked gazes with me and I pushed into his mind, which he defended in turn, but did not retaliate. I successfully broke down several of his barriers while Ben got close. Just as he was in reach, however, Snoke snapped over to Ben and attacked his mind full force.  
“No!” I lunged at him with my sabers, dodging various Force attacks and swinging at him, forcing him to draw his saber, a smooth red blade with an intricate black hilt. Ben collapsed and I channeled some of my energy to him, helping him recover. He got up several minutes later and we both attacked Snoke’s mind, weakening him further while fighting him with our sabers.  
Juyo! I mentally yelled at Ben. He paused for a moment to collect and focus himself, establishing that rare, eerie control before setting back on Snoke with unmatched skill and ferocity. The form change evidently caught Snoke off guard, as he had never explicitly taught us that form. I took that opportunity to collect myself as well and change forms, further alarming him.  
We went after him in a deadly, synchronized saber dance, all while relentlessly attacking his mind. Eventually, we snapped a major mental wall, stunning him long enough for me to paralyze him briefly.  
“Ben, now!” He leapt at Snoke and, with one swift motion, beheaded him. Everything stopped. His head slowly toppled as he fell before us. Ben staggered to me and collapsed to his knees. Fighting my own exhaustion, I knelt down next to him and he wrapped his arms around me.  
“Nih…it’s over. Really over.”  
“Not quite.” He looked at me, puzzled. “Just…don’t be afraid of me, after this…” I got up and went to the head, placing my hands on either side. Summoning the last of my energy, I dove into the remnants of Snoke’s life force and found his soul, in transit to its Force state. I could not only bring back the soul, but…I could destroy it forever, before it became the Force. That would ensure Snoke could never return, as Darth Revan and Darth Krayt had and as many Jedi do as ghosts. There were still the other Knights who could attempt to revive him.  
I hesitated for a second, worrying that I might lose myself in the process, but hardened my resolve and dove into the dark hole in my soul, unleashing all my dark power on his Force energy. It fought back, resisting obliteration and trying to destroy me as well. I felt my physical self scream and knew it was in pain, but I kept fighting. Tendrils of darkness started to penetrate Snoke’s essence until I finally got the heart. Once I latched on, I gave one final effort and watched as he shattered into thousands of pieces and vanished, no longer existing.  
I barely managed to pull myself back into the physical realm before I immediately blacked out, hearing Ben yelling at me as I fell.

“Just…don’t be afraid of me, after this…” She sounded so scared. I didn’t know what she meant, but she got up and did something weird with Snoke’s head. I sensed her Force energy wavering, as if it was about to disappear, then…it did. She wasn’t moving, just holding the head. Scared, I went to her and checked to see if she was alive, which she was, but her eyes were completely black and glassy. Whatever my Nihla was doing…it wasn’t happening on this plane. I sat with her for several minutes, waiting to see if she was coming back.  
She screamed. I must have jumped a mile because it was sudden and more agonizing than I ever believed a human scream could be. It sounded as if, well, as if something deep inside her was under attack. Like, like her essence was dying. And I couldn’t do anything but sit there, frozen and afraid.  
What seemed like an eternity later, I felt a flicker, a ghost of her Force signature returning. And she just collapsed, alive but completely comatose. Slowly, her essence strengthened and came back, but she didn’t wake up. I knew we couldn’t stay here, so I picked her up and carried her out, gathering the guards we had left outside, who seemed rather concerned at her state. We all boarded the carrier and headed for Danu-8 to finish the fight. I kept a close eye on Nihla the whole way, hoping she would wake up. She didn’t, but I knew what she had wanted to do, and I did just that.  
Hux didn’t know we were alive so I snuck to his base with our squadron and swiftly took out his guards, reaching him in no time. Upon seeing me, he smirked.  
“I should have expected you two to pull a stunt like this. Guess Nihla officially won you over then, hm? Well, now what? Going to make an example out of me, public decapitation, perhaps? Snoke will not stand for that.”  
“Snoke is dead. I killed him myself. And as much as I would like to kill you, that is not what Nihla wanted. She bargained for your life, so you are going to publicly surrender and turn everything and everyone over to the Resistance. Then I will hunt the remaining Knights and destroy every remnant of the Sith. This is over, Hux.” He was mortified.  
“What…you, you couldn’t have! That’s…impossible…” I showed him the memory of Snoke’s death, which made him collapse to his knees in shock. I scoffed and handcuffed him, pulling him to his feet. I went to walk out with him by the arm, but he stood still.  
“Now what?”  
“…what happened to Nihla?” He was whispering, and when he looked at me there was a depth of pain and sadness I had never seen there before. It…surprised me. That must be what Nihla sees…all the time. I let my own gaze soften a little, shaking my head.  
“Only time will tell that one, General.” He grabbed my arm angrily.  
“No, she can’t be dead! Please, tell me she’s not…that that monster didn’t kill her too…” I was taken aback at his outburst.  
“What’s it to you?” he hesitated, eyes flicking away for a minute.  
“She the only true friend I’ve ever had, and the only person I can trust.” My eyes widened, finally understanding the depth of their connection.  
“She’s not dead physically. She seems stable but…she did something to him, to Snoke, after he was dead. It was as if she was fighting him…” a realization hit me.  
“What?”  
“Fighting him on the Force plane. I…I think I know what she’s done… we have to go.” I quickly headed out, Hux keeping up. I took him up to a high point on the field and used the Force to amplify his voice.  
“First Order troops! Leader Snoke is dead, and I…have surrendered to the Resistance. They have won, so surrender now or die.” A loud cheer erupted from the Resistance troops as stormtroopers started dropping their weapons and putting their hands up. Survivors were handcuffed, wounded were tended to, and the dead were burned.  
Mom and everyone met up with myself and the General, congratulating me on my success. Then Luke noticed something.  
“Ben, where is my daughter?” My face became serious.  
“We should all head to the carrier. There’s a lot of explaining to do. And Hux is coming too.”  
“What? Why?” Rey was confused.  
“Because she’s his friend too.” With that, we headed to our carrier, where Nihla was still unresponsive. Uncle Luke was petrified.  
“What happened?” Mom quietly asked what everyone wanted to know. I sighed.  
“I’m not entirely sure, but there is a lot we’ve been through that we haven’t told you about yet. Nih in particular. After we killed Snoke, she said is wasn’t quite over yet and did something to his head. She froze and her eyes turned black, which scared me but her vitals were normal. I also felt her Force signature disappear. What I think she did was she went into the Force plane and attacked Snoke’s essence as it was trying to become part of the Force. And I think she won, but she didn’t do so unscathed. Her body started screaming in the most unearthly way.”  
“But…how could she do that?” Rey was puzzled and I shook my head, still unsure of that myself. We were quiet.  
“She used the darkness.” Hux joined the conversation.  
“What?” I wasn’t sure what he meant.  
“Her inner darkness? I’m sure you’re aware of it by now, Ren. She probably had to use that to destroy his Force essence. Maybe she didn’t quite make it back.” My eyes widened.  
“Maker…you might be right. That would explain why her signature is still weak. It hasn’t changed in quite a while.” Luke nodded in agreement with us.  
“That would make sense. But what darkness are you talking about?”  
“Nihla not only had a strong inner light but also one of dark that was the result of a particular mission. When she killed her mother unknowingly.” Luke was taken aback.  
“So that’s what happened…”  
“Yes, and she had to fight the pit inside every time she used the Force. That’s why she had to be so careful.”  
“So she let it all go to destroy Snoke…and now she might be gone.” I nodded solemnly.  
“Can’t you just go after her, Ren? Meet her in limbo and bring her back?” Hux looked at me intently, expecting me to say yes. “After all, you knew her the best and she taught you a lot of her skills.”  
“…not that one. I only found out she could do that a week ago.”  
“Try. Or I will.”  
“What? How?” He hesitated.  
“Well, it’s all over now, but I was a sleeper knight for Snoke. He trained me secretly and minimally at first, using me as a specialized assassin only when absolutely necessary. If you’re not going after her, I sure as hell am.” I never knew Hux was force-sensitive, but I guess Snoke had more secrets than anyone.  
“Fine I’ll…try.” I knelt down by Nih and place my hands on her head like she had done with Snoke, then concentrated on finding and following her Force essence. I felt the disconnect, the one split in two. My goal was the side furthest from me. I struggled against the barrier and finally managed to get through into the Force plane. Then I saw her, both of her….  
The light essence within her was locked in combat with the dark essence she had kept contained. Now that it was free, it was fighting back. I somehow got the light Nihla’s attention and drew her to me, distracting the darkness. Together, we held it off and I helped open the barrier back to the physical realm, but she couldn’t seem to come through. I called back to the others in the physical realm, hoping they would hear me.  
Channel your energy into her! It’s the only way she can come back!  
I then shoved the darkness away with everything I could muster and took hold of Nihla, trying to pull her though the barrier. We pushed and pushed with our energy by her body wasn’t responding and the darkness was getting closer. Just as it was about to reach us, we were pulled through and everything went black.  
……  
……  
“Ben, can you hear us?” Muffled voices started to reach me and I tried to hear them, eventually opening my eyes. Mom and Dad were standing over me and helped me sit up. I was laying on the shuttle floor and had apparently passed out.  
“Wh-what happened?”  
“You blacked out, son. But you’re okay now. Thought we lost you for a minute.”  
“And, did I…”  
“Have a look.” I looked over to where Nihla had been and saw her sitting with Rey and Hux at her sides. She wearily smiled at me.  
“Hey, Ben.” I felt the tears well up and I scrambled to her, careful not to hurt her but hugging her tightly.  
“Maker, you’re okay! I…I thought I was gonna lose you. Don’t ever do that to me again!” She chuckled softly.  
“I won’t, because I can’t.” I pulled back to look at her.  
“You can’t?”  
“I could only do that because of the dark energy. You helped me leave that behind and trap it in the Force plane. I can’t go back in the plane either because it will attack again.”  
“Wow. I guess that’s not entirely bad though.”  
“No. And thanks to you I wasn’t lost, either of us, actually.”  
“Either?” She smiled bashfully and placed one of my hands on her stomach. I was somewhat confused until I felt a faint life force…a new life force. “Nih? You mean…” She nodded. I was in disbelief. I…was going to be a father…woah. I laughed a smiled, hugging her again. “Oh, I love you so much. Why didn’t you tell me before?”  
“I didn’t want you to worry even more. It distracts you too much.” We all laughed and even Hux was smirking happily.

He took the news well. I had worried he was going to panic about his ability to be a good dad or something. After we recovered we went back to the base and there was a huge celebration. Ben and I had some fun but didn’t stay too late since we were so exhausted. Hux was staying with us until he was properly judged. When we got back, he was sitting on the sofa thinking about something. Ben let us be, evidently knowing I wanted to talk to my friend.  
“Hey, Armie,” I said, sitting down next to him.  
“Oh, hey.” He sighed.  
“What’s the matter?”  
“I’m at a loss.” He held his face in his hands for a moment. “I know I’ll be imprisoned, but then what? What happened when I am released? I am a target everywhere I go. Someone will make sure I end up dead.”  
“You know how to avoid that.”  
“I’m not deserting my cause.”  
“Have you never wondered if you could be happier in another role?”  
“No…” His eyes betrayed him, however, and he knew it. Sighing, he continued. “You know I’m lying. My greatest qualm with the Order was the lack of room for emotion. I mean, even the short time we were together was scandalous. I just…I don’t want to become my father, though I will always admire his work. I hated that man.”  
“Hm, I think you might be surprised with the Resistance then. They aren’t so different, you know. Militant, orderly, and doing everything they can for their cause. And they are completely okay with emotion.”  
“Ugh, but how could they ever accept me, the Destroyer of Worlds? Your word can’t hold against that.”  
“If you prove yourself it could.” He met my gaze, a flash of hope showing in his eyes. He then looked at Ben as he entered and sat next to me. He seemed a bit sad. “What’s wrong, babe?” He looked at Hux then at me, thinking about that. I pecked his cheek. “There’s nothing to worry about, you know.”  
“It’s not that.” He smiled softly. “It’s just interesting seeing you two together. I never had a friendship like that.”  
“Awww.” I hugged him.  
“Hey, I am still here you know. Get a room already.” Hus smirked and shook his head. I laughed and put an arm around him too, making Hux roll his eyes.  
“Come on, what would we do without each other, honestly?” They both looked at me and at each other.  
“We wouldn’t do anything…” Hux began.  
“…but we would always know something was missing,” Ben finished. I laughed at them, making them glare at each other.  
“I love you guys. Can’t imagine not having to look after you two.” We all laughed then and spent the rest of the time catching up and telling stories.  
Several weeks later, Hux was tried but only sentenced to ten years in quarantine with Phasma. When I asked why, Leia said he showed a remarkably soft side when I was unconscious and truly wanted to help, so she had hope for him. He was allowed to see Phasma at lunch and dinner and Ben, Leia, and myself were the only permitted visitors.  
Their cells were not uncomfortable, with sinks, showers, and toilets, a plain bed, a chair, and a table. The walls were bare metal except one, which was a one way mirror that the occupants could watch the base through. They were issued plain grey clothes and were taken to their new homes. Hux actually had a rather hopeful outlook and so did Phasma, to a slightly lesser extent.  
Several years passed that were filled with rebuilding the Republic and cleaning up the last remnants of the First Order. Finn and Rey ended up getting married and our child was born, a boy we named Ren. Hux was happy for us and had struck up a tentative relationship with Phasma himself. Han and Leia had worked things out between them and happily watched over us. Dad, Ben, Rey, and I stared a new Force school, no linger distinguishing between light and dark, instead teaching balance and wariness of the one’s corruptive nature.  
Everything was settled and we had a bright future ahead of us. Ren grew up strong and Ben was great with him, but not as much as he was with Reyla, who came soon after. He spoiled his princess to no end, but we were all very content. I finally was home, and I knew it would be that way for a long time.


End file.
